Battling Anxiety + Making Journals: Sarah’s Weekly Newsletter

Sunday, April 19

Hi everyone, I hope you are healthy and well. I know it’s a strange sentiment to say, but I’ve been feeling much more like a woman and a grown-up this past month. I looked at myself in the mirror a few weeks ago, and I’m not quite sure why I felt so different, but it seemed to me like I had gone through some sort of metamorphosis without even realizing it. It’s also been tripping me up a bit that I entered high school seven years ago, and I haven’t been a teenager for so long. I know it doesn’t sound like a very important matter, and it’s honestly not, but sometimes it’s really clarifying and freeing to realize how much time has passed.

I have a bit of work to do today, including *another* ethics paper, an outline for my capstone class, and I need to get started on a presentation for my Wednesday business class as well. I’ve been feeling pretty productive the last few days, which is awesome, and it sort of feeds into my new realization of feeling like an “adult.” Even I am sometimes amazed by how positive and forward-moving I can be during these odd times.

Speaking of, does anyone else feel like they’re getting used to this new life now? I almost forget that the coronavirus is out there, believe it or not, because I’m so wrapped up in my little isolated life and busy with my projects. It’s really amazing what we can adapt to as humans, isn’t it?

In other news, I recently updated to a premium plan here on the blog, so you’ve probably noticed that things look a lot different. I’ve been wanting to upgrade for a while now, but it never felt like the right time to drop all that money. Now, even though it made a dent in my wallet, I’m so happy that I decided to upgrade! I absolutely love this theme and I’m really excited to see how my blog grows and evolves from here.

Monday, April 20

I feel obligated to say happy 420, even though I don’t smoke weed and I also don’t plan on it any time soon. It’s also Marathon Monday, but of course, there aren’t any festivities going on here in Boston. I can only imagine what college campuses would be like right now with the combination of these two holidays! I’m pretty sad to be missing it.

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty good today. I thankfully haven’t exhibited any symptoms of coronavirus yet (though my allergies are quite bad) and I’m extremely grateful for that. My mom hasn’t shown any symptoms either, so I’m hoping things stay that way. I’m pretty excited to be moving in 11 days, but of course, I’m feeling a bit nervous as well! Of course I’ve been away at college, so I know what it feels like to be on my own, but I’ve never paid rent or had so many responsibilities placed on my shoulders. I have no doubt I’ll be just fine, but it’s still a bit scary not knowing what to expect. I’m lucky that my housemates are lovely, supportive friends from college, so at least we’ll have each other throughout this life change. I’m really excited for meal-prepping, decorating, and just being in the heart of the city in general.

By the way, being 21 is so weird! I feel like I’m breaking the law every time I pour myself a glass of wine. 

Thursday, April 23

Hey everyone, hope you’re holding up well. I’m doing pretty well today, albeit I was in a bit of an unproductive/anxiety funk for the last couple of days. I noticed while looking at my medication that I accidentally took a double dose of my combination pills some day this week, so that probably had something to do with it.

Related to that, I occasionally go through short periods of ‘brain fogginess’ where I just feel totally disconnected from everyone and everything around me, and I find it really difficult to be productive and get things done when I’m going through funks like that. Feeling like you don’t even know the people you love can also make you really paranoid, even if you know you’re being ridiculous, so I spent the last couple of days wondering if my loved ones even liked me at all. The best way I can describe this kind of anxiety is feeling like you’re about to hear some terrible news, or feeling like someone is going to leave, but the terrible news never comes and you don’t know what the terrible news is. So you just sit around in a state of paranoia and wait for awful news that never comes, essentially. It’s really not a fun thing to go through, and admittedly, I would have liked a little bit more support during that time, but you do what you can and you get through it. And I’m happy to say I’m coming out of that funk now, and I feel very comfortable with others again. 

Anyway, I wasn’t really blogging or doing a lot of writing during that time, but I did start my junk journaling hobby that I’ve been wanting to get into! That mostly occupied my time yesterday, and so far, I’ve completed three journals. I’m hoping to finish binding two more tonight, which I would then like to sell. 

Some of my journals!

So in conclusion, I was going through a rough patch of anxiety but I’m starting to finally feel better. I still slightly feel like something terrible is going to happen, but I think everybody feels that way during a global pandemic, particularly other highly sensitive people such as myself. 

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