Monday, June 15
It officially feels like summertime, even if I’m not able to do my usual favorite summer activities. The weather has actually been really nice here in Boston- not too humid, and not frigid either. Today it was perfect outside, so I ate my dinner outside on my front doorstep and just thought about my life and the world and the universe in general. My hormones and my anxiety definitely took a little bit of a dip this week, so I spent some time crying, doubting myself, feeling angry at the world, etc., but I pulled myself out of it as usual. I think it’s honestly okay to feel however you need to feel, even if it’s not completely sunshiney all the time. I find that the more open I allow myself to be with my emotions, the faster I move on from those funks. So I had my little cry, vented to some friends, and now I’m feeling much better.
In a nutshell, I’ve just been stressed about the same old things. I still cannot find a job, and I’m running out of money to buy food, so I had to ask my mom if I could borrow $40 (and I HATE asking people for money.) When you reach a point of broke-ness that you can’t feed yourself anymore, it’s a scary place to be. However, I am very fortunate and lucky to have my support system, and my good friend MJ venmo’d me $20 so I can buy groceries for the week. Thank you, MJ!
For those who have asked me how they can support me financially, buying a journal from my Etsy shop helps me to pay my bills!
So obviously financial problems have been the root of my stress and anger lately. I know money doesn’t solve all your problems, but it would certainly make my life a lot less stressful. Despite that, I’ve been feeling very creative and generally upbeat lately. I spend my days applying to jobs (I applied to 25 jobs yesterday,) making journals, painting, and of course, writing. Writing has always been my rock, and in a way, a great, healthy, self-soothing mechanism.
Wednesday, June 17
I’m still in go-go-go mode, so I’ve been utilizing this burst of energy to apply to more jobs, make more journals, and get more writing projects done. Sometimes I go through days where I just can’t be bothered to do anything, and then there are days like this, where I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done!
Like I said, I applied to six jobs today and my fingers are crossed that one will contact me back. I also put together a list of interview questions for a new story I’m conducting, so that will probably be out at some point in the next couple of weeks. I absolutely love interviewing other artists and writers, so it’s been a real joy to be in contact with so many amazing people through the journey of my publication.
It’s about 4:30pm right now, so I’d like to photograph some journals to put on Etsy before the sun starts to go down and I lose that natural light. I am very proud of my animal-themed collection- what do you guys think?
Friday, June 19
These past couple of days have actually been very successful and relieving, for a couple of reasons. For one, I was approved for food stamps, and that’s really going to help me afford groceries while I look for a job. Secondly, I finally switched over to a universal bank after struggling to get that done for weeks! I was also able to deposit my savings bonds while I did that, so that took a huge weight off my shoulders to have savings again. Now, I can finally buy things I need again, that I couldn’t afford to buy before, and I can pay my utilities bills without stress for a couple of months. Speaking of essentials, my mom very generously sent me a package the other day with toothpaste, new underwear, pads, and face wash. I almost cried; it was like Christmas to have those things. Not trying to sound dramatic, but seriously- I could not afford any of it until I took care of my bonds. I feel like a huge relief has been lifted off my shoulders.
The third wonderful thing that happened this week was that I had the privilege of interviewing one of my all-time favorite authors- Wendelin Van Draanen. We had a lovely hour-long conversation and discussed everything from rock and roll to the nitty gritty details of the Sammy Keyes series. Then, she told me she was going to send me a couple of her books, and my heart absolutely shot out of my body. How cool is that, that my favorite author is sending me more of her books?
So anyway, I’m feeling really good and much more secure today than I was earlier this week. I’m so looking forward to my little vacation with Nathaniel at the beginning of July, and I will be sure to take lots of pictures for you guys. Stay safe and please keep wearing your masks!