Tuesday, August 25

Today is my last day before heading back to work early in the morning, so I’m spending it on my patio, drinking apple cider and taking in the fresh air. While I do like to think of myself as “outdoorsy,” I’m not a huge fan of being outside in the city because I don’t really feel safe or comfortable. Bring me to a forest or a beach on an overcast day, however, and I’ll be a happy girl. Living in Boston has definitely made me realize that I’m not a city person; someday I think I’d be much happier living in the countryside, far away from people and surrounded by animals. 

Even though being out of work for 2 weeks due to COVID has been a bit stressful, particularly since I don’t know anything about how catastrophe pay works, I’ve been holding up pretty okay. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and journaling, for example, and I’ve also caught up on my blog. Additionally, I’ve been trying to get more into baking (particularly breads,) so that’s been keeping me happy and occupied as well. Nathaniel is coming to see me from Friday to Saturday, and he’s already agreed to baking something with me. It’s going to be a short visit, only two days, but I’ll make the best of it. And once he comes back to campus, I’ll be able to see him a couple of times a week, at least. 

The longer I go without seeing him, the harder and sadder it is for me to even talk to him on the phone, because I miss him so much. Which obviously isn’t his fault, or mine, it’s just that hearing his voice makes something well up inside me and miss him even more, realizing how far away he really is and how I start to forget what it’s like to hear his voice or feel him hugging me. You know, sappy things like that. 

I’m going to try to go to bed early tonight, but who knows how well that will work. I’ve been admittedly sleeping late these past few days, so it might be difficult for me to force myself to sleep early. Nonetheless, I’ll try my best.

Sunday, August 30

This may be wishful thinking, but I think it’s really starting to feel like fall. The weather has been less humid lately, coffee shops are pushing for pumpkin spice, and sweaters are filling the racks in clothing stores. I’m so excited for colder days!

I just had a really marvelous weekend with Nathaniel, which I very much needed because I haven’t seen him in about four weeks. First he was swamped with work, and then I had a COVID scare, so the weeks just kept adding up and up. We spent Friday afternoon walking around Cambridge and visiting book stores, which happens to be one of my favorite pastimes, and that evening we sat on my porch and just held hands, staring at the sky and spending some stripped-down, technology-free time together. I remember at one point I asked him if I was going to be his wife someday and he said of course, which made my eyes well up with happy tears. It was one of those metaphorical veil-lifting evenings where you feel like you can see the world for how it really is, without anything else hanging down in your face. If that makes sense.

look at that glowing skin! this was taken mid-burrito lunch date.

And when you go so long without seeing your soulmate, there’s absolutely nothing on this planet like waking up in the morning next to them. Poor Nathaniel, he’s such an early bird, but I sort of made him sleep in all morning with me. Saturday, we (unsurprisingly) went to another book store, and I picked out one of my favorite books from high school that I loved and have been meaning to read again. Nathaniel bought three records this weekend- two at Newbury Comics and one at Barnes and Noble. My boyfriend + record stores are a dangerous combination.

So it was a perfectly lovely weekend with my person, and now he’s gone but I can still feel all the warm fuzzies of him being here. I’m currently enjoying a pumpkin cream cold brew from Starbucks- which I highly recommend if you’re a fan of pumpkin. Do you consider yourself a Dunks person or a Starbucks person? I’m (of course) very loyal to Starbucks, considering I’m an employee of the corporation. Let me know what you guys prefer in the comments!

Wednesday, March 18

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I’m a bit behind on blogging, per the recent changes in my life, but I’m hoping I can play catch-up today and knock out a few articles. I don’t think I need to go into all the details of what the coronavirus is and how to self-quarantine and wash your hands (in fact, I’m sure most of you are tired of hearing about it,) so I’ll skip over all that and just give you a little recap of my week.

So, spring break technically started last Friday, but I had to stay on campus until Sunday due to some other obligations and timing issues I had to take care of first. It was strange being (mostly) alone on those last two days of campus; the mood was somber, the streets were empty, and most of my friends had already evacuated home. I did have a couple of RA friends still on campus, so I spent my Friday night hanging out with them (six feet apart) in the lounge. It was comforting to be surrounded by people, but obviously a very strange environment. My good friend Alanis and I talked about whether or not we want to come back to campus, because while all of our classes are now online, we still have the choice to decide if we want to stay in the resident halls. I had previously wanted to stay in the resident halls so I could still see my friends, but now that my college is really urging us to stay come and making it exceptionally difficult for us if we do stay (boxed meals instead of the dining hall, not being allowed to visit anyone, etc), I’ve decided I would like to stay at home. Buck was also a huge factor in my wrestling with the decision, because I love him so very much and it’s already hard enough being away from him for spring break. However, he does have a car and we are committed to still seeing each other as often as we can. In fact, he’s coming down for a few days this weekend to see me, so that will be so lovely and important. Don’t worry, we aren’t planning on leaving my house, and we have lots of self-quarantine ideas planned. The highlights include potting a plant together, having a wine tasting, and painting empty bottles. 

So, all of those turbulent (and isolating) changes are very annoying, but we make do with what we have. Another big stresser in my life is apartment hunting, because I don’t have a job right now but I desperately need to find a place to live after graduation. My two future housemates and I have landed on a few places we really like, so now it’s just a matter of settling somewhere and getting ready to move in. It’s scary, but exciting! 

An analogy I refer back to a lot in my life is the idea that we all carry backpacks and the big, heavy rocks in our backpacks represent all the problems and stressers we have in our lives. Obviously, my metaphorical backpack is pretty loaded up with some heavy boulders right now, so I’m trying to focus on what things I can “take out” of my backpack and set aside for now, just to lessen the burden of carrying everything all the time. Graduation/college/education is all very stressful, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now, so I’m not going to dedicate any worry towards that. Being isolated from my friends and my partner is also very stressful, but I know Buck is crazy for me just as much as I am for him, and we’re in it for the long haul. I don’t think he’s going anywhere, even if we can only see each other a few times a month, so I’m not going to worry about that, either. I guess my biggest form of stress right now is just the general uncertainty of not knowing how long this will drag on for. I suppose I’m fortunate to be a homebody, because I really don’t mind hanging out in the house all day. I’m quite content with my books and my laptop and my dog, so that’s what I’m using to keep myself occupied. And of course, seeing my lovely human this week will be an uplifting boost.

Oh, I’m also on my period and going through some major PMS, so I apologize for the general downbeat tone of my week! I’m trying to stay as optimistic as possible, so thank you all for sticking around and giving me a reason to keep writing.  


Sunday, March 22

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend despite (probably) being self-isolated and worried about the coronavirus. I actually had a very fabulous and busy weekend, hence why I didn’t have any time to write. It’s about 2:40pm now, and with a coffee in hand, this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down with my laptop. So, let’s start with Thursday evening and work our way to now.

Obviously, my circle of socialization is quite small right now; it’s essentially limited to my mother, my boyfriend, and Eli. Eli came over for a few hours on Thursday night and helped me finish a bottle of pinot grigio, and then we watched about three hours worth of America’s Next Top Model. Don’t worry, we made sure to sit a few feet apart! As crazy as times are right now, one of the silver linings for me is that Eli is home right now- indefinitely.

The next morning, I woke up to the news that my university had decided to cancel graduation in May and instead opt for a “virtual commencement”- something that was quickly met with backlash by us, the student body. Lots of petitions and confused, angry emails later, we received another email from the school stating that they will “quickly reconsider” their options and see if they can postpone graduation for a couple of months instead. We’re supposed to have a more definite answer within the next few weeks.

Following that exciting-ness, my day took a positive turn because Nathaniel (aka Buck, as he is affectionately nicknamed), came to stay with me for three days. In a really nice coincidental turn of events, my mom went up to Maine to see her fiance for the weekend, so Buck and I had the place to ourselves. We did mostly stay inside, as we are supposed to in these sickly times, but we also did take a couple of nature walks in the outdoors. Buck lives in western Massachusetts, so he’s not as accustomed to seeing the ocean as I am. It was such a wholesome, pure feeling of joy to see his excitement for the water and how the wind makes the sand float across the beach in ghostly streams. We also made burritos together, watched a lot of Jeopardy! (he’s a pro, I learned), and spent adequate time slow-dancing in my living room to The Grateful Dead. So altogether, a really beautiful weekend, and it was quite sad to see him go. But I’m planning on going out to western Mass to see him later this week or early next week, assuming a Shelter in Place isn’t ordered in Massachusetts.

Anyway, now I’m going to upload this blog, get some homework done (I have to read an entire book by tomorrow, yikes), and probably play The Sims later in the evening. I also want to do some watercolor painting, but there are only so many hours in the day, and I already have quite a few things planned. Thanks for reading; I’ll try to be more on top of my posting schedule this week!

Pictures from this weekend:

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Sunday, March 8

I have to say, I’m loving the fact that it’s starting to stay lighter out for longer and the weather is starting to freshen up as well. I had a pretty productive weekend, I would say. I wrote a couple papers, revised my big, important ethics paper, and even had time to play The Sims for hours and hang out with my friends. Last night, I listened to some music and painted glass bottles with my good friend, Alanis, and I have to say that I love the way it came out! The Kiss by Gustav Klimt is one of my all-time favorite paintings, so I knew I wanted to incorporate it onto my bottle. I feel very proud of it, and I hope I can keep it and cherish it forever.

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The night before last, I hung out with Buck and my friends, Kelsey and Cameron. We ended up playing cards for at least a couple hours, which I’ve recently discovered I have a love for. Apparently, I’m not very good at Egyptian Rat Screw and Bullshit, but Kelsey and Buck are. We also played Crazy Eights, which seemed to drag on forever because none of us could win!

So anyway, it’s been a really lovely weekend, and I feel very well-rested as well. It’s a bit after seven in the evening right now, and I’m currently sitting in an empty classroom listening to The Beach Boys. Buck will be out of work in a couple hours, and we’ll probably sit on the roof (and not kick off the moss) for awhile and listen to the Grateful Dead or John Denver, or something along those lines. He’ll probably drink some whiskey, which makes him taste like brown sugar, and I’ll probably drink some Earl Gray tea. And per usual, I’m sure it will be lovely to fall asleep next to him with the window still open.


Monday, March 9

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It’s absolutely gorgeous out today, so I’m spending the afternoon at the beach with my good friend, Erin. Apparently it’s supposed to snow on Wednesday, but I have no idea how that would even be possible, considering it’s currently seventy degrees out. I must say, even though I’m not a big fan of the warm weather, it does feel good to wear shorts and stretch out in the sand. I probably should have been working on my ethics paper draft, but oh well, that can be done later.

I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy out there, wherever you are in the world. The coronavirus is scary, especially to hypochondriacs like me, so make sure you continue to wash your hands and take care of yourself!


Tuesday, March 10

It’s another day of beautiful weather here in Massachusetts, and I’m in pretty high spirits, even though I’m quite tired. Daylight Savings Time has really thrown me off! That being said, I’m loving the fact that the sun is staying out longer, and the days seem to stretch out much more now. I finally finished the final draft of my ethics paper, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I know I’ve probably sounded like a broken record, complaining about it every night this week! I’m a bit nervous because I need to pass this paper to pass the entire class, but I’m pretty sure I will be fine. It’s just the notion that my entire degree depends on this paper that freaks me out and makes me doubt myself. 

I’m really looking forward to going home Saturday morning, particularly since it’s my father’s birthday and I finally feel ready to see him again. We have a complicated relationship, but I have an optimistic feeling that everything will go well and we might be able to start rebuilding things. I’m also very excited to see my dog, of course, who I haven’t seen since winter break and I miss terribly. And, perhaps most excitingly, Buck is coming to visit me for 2-3 days towards the end of winter break! We’ve been inseparable since we got together, so those first few days without him are going to be so hard for me. Oh, to be young and in love. 


Wednesday, March 11

Good morning, everyone! I hope you’re all staying happy and healthy this week. On the topic of health, the coronavirus hubbub is now front and center in Boston, and there’s certainly a lot of gossip going around. My school has not formally announced any closings, but I suppose it’s very possible they could ask us to stay home after spring break next week. Because nothing is set in stone, I’m trying not to think too much about it, but it’s still an interesting possibility. For one thing, it would suck to be away from my friends and my boyfriend. Secondly, if the school shut down and moved to online classes, I have no idea what would happen with my internship. Would I start working remotely for that as well? Thirdly, what happens to financial aid? Do I still have to pay for room and board even if I’m not on campus? It’s a complicated subject, and I’m not sure what will happen. At the same time, it’s kind of exciting to witness all of this. I guess we’ll see what happens!

Anyway, I’m in my 8am right now, and I have two more classes left after this. I might take a nap after my last class, because Daylights Saving Time is still throwing me off a bit and I’m exhausted. I’m also planning on hanging out with Erin and Buck tonight, so we’ll see how I’m feeling this evening. 


Thursday, March 12

What a strange time to be alive and documenting my life on the internet. 

With the obviously overwhelming coronavirus panic now taking over Boston, I’ve been forced to think a lot about the possibility that my school may close after spring break, which would be (in my opinion) wildly unfortunate and an overreaction to the situation. I’m going to publish an article on Analog next week to explore that topic more deeply for anyone who’s interested.

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I’m also quite stressed over applying for jobs, because many of the jobs I’m inquiring for have hundreds of applicants. If I can’t find a job, I can’t get an apartment, and I’m supposed to do that in June. Also, one of my potential housemates is dropping out because she can’t afford to move. Also, my mom is moving two states away in June and I’m not going to have anywhere to live after she moves. Also, my internship is probably shutting down next week as well. 

So yeah, I’m a bit stressed by the enormity of the crazy world around me right now. Last night, I essentially had a mental breakdown in the library and cried on my laptop, because I just don’t see how any of this is going to pan out and fix itself within the next three months. Even more, I don’t even know where to begin. I can’t move into an apartment without a credit score/cosign or a gross household income, which I don’t have due to a lack of a job. I might not even have my friends and my boyfriend around me during this time, if my college decides to pull the plug and shut its doors. Oh, what a time to be alive.

I almost feel like I have to laugh at the absurdity of everything. My goals today are to apply to two more jobs, decide what day I’m going home for spring break, decide if I want to tour the apartment that I have my eye on (but probably can’t afford because my housemates are dropping like flies), and desperately attempt to find a new roommate. Everything else in my life (minus my friends and Buck) just feels so unimportant right now. I hardly even care about my schoolwork right now, because I’m so bent out of shape about all of this.

Anyway, I don’t want to sound like I’m throwing a pity party. At least I am healthy and safe, and I have a strong support system around me. I just hate having things pan out undecided and up in the air, if that makes sense. It especially stresses me out not knowing where I’m even going to be living in three months, or where my income will come from.

The first thing I’m going to do when I get home for break this weekend is take a bubble bath, pour myself a drink, and binge out on The Office. Honestly, it’s what I deserve. 


Friday, March 13

Hi everyone!

As you can probably imagine, shit is going down over here in ole Massachusetts. My university has extended its spring break by an extra week, and then, all of our classes are going to resume online. Despite this, our residence halls and services are staying open for the rest of the semester to those who wish to stay, and everyone else is allowed to go home. As for graduation and all of that, nobody has any answers or ideas about what will happen. Also, we’re technically not supposed to be within six feet of each other at school, and we can’t have any guests or other students in our dormitories. I’ll honor that expectation with my friends, but my boyfriend? Yeah, that six feet rule is gonna be a no from me dawg. My college can take away my classes, my graduation, my internship, my activities, and my clubs, but I refuse to cut myself off from my closest support system during this crisis of my life. And that’s the tea, sis. 

Anyway, I’m going to tour an apartment tomorrow with my friend, and then my mom is coming to pick me up from school first thing on Sunday morning. As you can probably imagine, I’m really looking forward to relaxing during spring break and trying not to think about my university fiasco. This is definitely not the way I want to be spending my final year of college, but hey, I just have to make the best of it. At least I’ll still be able to come back to campus after spring break and see most of my close friends to finish off what has been a sufficiently chaotic school year. Of course, even that’s subject to change if things get worse. My fingers are crossed.