Sunday, November 15

Hi, everyone! How are you all doing? Is it starting to feel like winter wherever you live? We have plenty of chilly days here in Boston, but for the most part, it’s actually been sticking in the forties these past few weeks. Although it’s a bit concerning, environmental-wise, it is nice on my 7am walk to work. 

This past weekend I took the commuter rail up to Northern Massachusetts to visit my dad, my brother, and my good friend from high school, Eli. I don’t get to see them very often, especially with COVID and working all the time, so it was nice to take a break from city life for a few days and focus on family. One of the strangest things for me coming back to my hometown was noticing how quiet everything was. There was no rumble of the train, no shouting people or police cards- just pure silence. It was a nice change.

I took a bubble bath on Friday for the first time in six months, and even though it was just a little thing, it was so nice to sit in steaming hot water for an hour with bubbles everywhere. I sometimes find it hard to ultimately relax, especially when I’m caught up in my work cycle, so having that little bit of time to myself was extra special. I also watched Elf with my family, because once it’s November, that means it’s officially Christmas.

It was a treat to see Eli as well! We walked around downtown Newburyport (with masks, of course,) and we stopped into Starbucks as well, which is so funny for me to do when I’m not working. We also went to Marshalls, where I picked up a couple of things for the girls.

Speaking of the girls, they’re doing great! Jenna is really starting to flourish and she’s very inquisitive and energized, although she does love a good snooze on her daddy’s shoulder, too. Susie is also good, and enjoying trying all kinds of new snacks, such as kale and cheerios and blueberries. I can hear them running around in their cage right now, having an absolute blast. When they snuggle up and fall asleep together, it’s the cutest darn thing. 

So things are going really well right now, and I’m so glad I had that little break away from the city to spend some time focusing on other things. I’m looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but even sooner than that, I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep. Goodnight everyone!

Saturday, November 13

Wow, what a week it has been! I hate to be away from my blog for long, but I think we can all agree the past couple of weeks in the United States have been crazy for everyone. The entire election week was physically and emotionally draining for me- on election day in particular, I had worked 9:30-6 and then walked to the polls from my apartment, crying on my way home. I don’t really know why I was crying- I think it was just the combination of fear, exhaustion, confusion, and general tiredness of the day. I was so happy when I learned that Trump had been defeated, but with that being said, we do have a lot of work left to do in this country!

So working, surviving, and trying to understand everything politics to COVID has been exhausting for me, but I also have some good news. I have two new friends to keep me upbeat and happy through everything! 🙂

My two sweethearts

I’m reluctant to say more, because they’re technically *not* allowed to be here, but I did just want to show you guys a little bit of what’s been keeping SO busy this past week. The second I get home from work and finish all of my chores, these two girls take up my whole heart until it’s time for me to go to bed. Nathaniel has been amazing too, hanging around my apartment and keeping an eye on them. It’s been one of the happiest weeks of my life. You can tune into my instagram for more updates, too!

This weekend I’m spending some time in my hometown, visiting my dad and my older brother. I obviously don’t get to see them very much, and it’s not safe right now for them to travel to Boston, so I’m going to be spending the next couple of days here catching up with them. Don’t worry, the friends at home are being cared for by Nathaniel!

Because my dad is working today, I’m using this opportunity to catch up on blogging and making appointments that I’ve been putting off. I’m also thinking about taking a bubble bath, because I don’t have a tub in my apartment and I haven’t been able to take one in months. It’s in times like these that you realize the little things you miss in life, and right now, I miss warm baths and sleeping in until 10am. 

Anyway, I hope you guys have a great week ahead. Like I said, I’m mostly just going to be catching up in work and trying to relax and spend time with my family today. What do you guys have planned for the next week? Let me know in the comments! And I promise I will try to be back to a semi-normal posting schedule soon, hopefully after I transfer to a closer Starbucks and have more time on my hands.

Monday, July 27

I’ve always striven to be really transparent about how I’m doing, so I’m not gonna lie, the past couple of days have been tough. It would make a lot of sense if I was entering some sort of PMDD-related episode, but I’m also trying to avoid getting into the habit of blaming every bad mood on my period. I felt fine for most of the day yesterday, but around the evening is when I began to struggle with feeling irritable, agitated, angry, depressed, anxious, paranoid, fatigued, and crying inconsolably…so, sounds like some pretty severe PMDD to me! Poor Nathaniel, he’s such a saint staying on the phone with me and being kind and encouraging when I’m really struggling and crying and putting myself down. I know it hurts him to see me go through hard times, especially since he can’t be here in person, but I really appreciate how lovely and understanding he is. He stayed on the line with me for over an hour while my scream-crying slowly evolved to silent crying, which then evolved to sniffling, which then evolved to snoring. Someone give this man an award ASAP. 

I didn’t get a ton of sleep last night, as you could have probably assumed. I fell asleep around midnight and had to be up at 4am for work. I wasn’t crying or feeling angry like I had been the night before, but I still felt sort of cloudy and fatigued, like my brain was still swimming in tears inside of my head. And then at work, even though my trainer and my manager said I did a great job, I did not feel on my A-game. I was forgetful, I was slow, and I was really blanking on how to do basic things I had learned the week before. I managed to hold it together without bursting into tears, but there were a few moments where I thought, “Am I good enough to do this? Am I too stupid to learn? Should I quit so I stop wasting everyone’s time?”

The first thing I did when I got home was conk out for about two and a half hours (a bit longer than I wanted to sleep, admittedly,) and now it’s after 4pm and eating a late lunch while I chug water. I definitely feel like my head has cleared up a lot, and I promised Nathaniel I wouldn’t be “a weepy mess” on the phone tonight. I feel like I can hold myself together again. However, I am really stressed about my work performance and I wish I was learning things faster. I know if I had all the time in the world to practice, or a way to keep learning everything at home, I would be fine. But it’s because all my practice comes from a fast-paced, stressful environment, I feel easily flustered and I forget what I’m doing. That being said, I remembered something today while I was making my lunch that I haven’t actually had a discussion with my work: I have learning disabilities which affect my memory and my processing skills, and the reality is, my brain is probably working twice as hard as it should be to get by. (By the way, I haven’t really told any of the jobs I applied to because I was afraid I wouldn’t get hired for being neuroatypical.) Reminding myself of that made me feel a bit better about myself and my progress. Like, no, I’m not a wimp or a moron or a “bad person” for feeling the way I feel. I am a person who is honestly just trying her best to hold everything together, and even though I’m also a weepy, tired mess, I think I’m doing pretty okay. 

So yeah, that’s been my Monday. Nathaniel’s work schedule is a bit tough this week but I really, really hope I can see him because it’s been more than two weeks and the thing I need more than anything else in the world right now is a hug. I’m really hoping the rest of the week is not as dramatic and emotional as these past few days, so I’ll do my best to take care of myself. I am also going to try to practice everything I need to know at Starbucks as well as I can at home without having any equipment, aka I’m going to rely on memory to write out tasks. Thank you all so much for reading today and I’ll be sure to update you on how the rest of my week goes. 


Monday, August 3

Hey everybody! Hope you’re all having a great Monday. I’ve been really behind on posting here on my blog, but honestly, I didn’t have time to sit down in front of my computer at all this week! I really don’t like getting behind on my goals, so today and tomorrow are going to be all about playing catch-up.

The past week was rough with PMDD, but things are starting to look up a bit now that my emotions are getting back on track. I spent most of last week feeling irritated and sad, and to be totally honest, the weekend didn’t make me feel much better. But like I said, things are on the right track now and I’m trying to stay as positive as possible. I’ve also been feeling like I can’t tell the people I love how I feel and what I’m going through, because it seems like everyone else is going through their own mess right now and I don’t want to stress anyone out even further with my problems. So that’s been really frustrating, but I definitely think having a therapist and paying someone to listen to my problems will help. I’ve been trying to find one via Psychology Today, but so far nobody has returned my emails. I’ll be sure to let you guys know how the rest of my week goes and if skipping my sugar pill week does any good for my PMDD down the line! Sorry I was a bit of a downer and unproductive this week, I’m going to try to keep my mind busier and more positive in the next few days.

 

Tuesday, July 21

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all having a great week, I’m doing much better today than I had been in previous days. Change makes anyone nervous, for sure, and for me, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping in the days leading up to my first day of work on Monday. The night before, I didn’t sleep at all, and then my uber canceled and I was late, but besides that, my training was great and a lot of fun! Obviously it was stressful, but it was actually more comprehensive than I expected. However, the second I stepped outside and plopped down onto the nearest bench, I just burst into tears. I was exhausted, I was stressed, and I had just received a fairly rude text message from a good friend. I probably looked a bit strange crying by myself on a bench in a shopping plaza, but I honestly really needed that cry. I got home, chugged some water, and actually managed to take a one-hour nap. And I really felt better after that, especially after I called Buck and told him about my day. Hearing his voice and him strumming the guitar actually made me calm and sleepy, too, so I was able to fall asleep last night and sleep for a FULL NIGHT! I was so overjoyed when I woke up this morning and realized I felt great. And since my shift started at 7:00 instead of 5:30, I was able to catch the first morning train instead of relying on uber. 

Work itself has been really interesting and intensive, but in the best way. It’s complex and fast-paced, like I knew it would be, but I thrive in those environments. I’ve already learned so much in a two day span, and I’m looking forward to work tomorrow! 

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Sunday, July 26

Hey guys, I’m happy to report that my sleep schedule has definitely returned to normal and I’m feeling much less stressed about work. I do have another 5:30 shift tomorrow, but my coworker is very kindly going to give me a ride so I don’t have to worry about finding an uber or walking at 4:30. I’m also going to have Nathaniel go over some drinks with me tonight, even though we’re technically not supposed to “work off the clock.” I have really high processing skills but really low memory skills, so when I am trying to learn a new routine or sequence, I need a LOT of practice!

My mood has been predominantly fine, but also a bit of a rollercoaster. Sometimes I wake up feeling bright and cheery, and other times I feel like my eyes are going to roll out of my head every time someone annoys me. I’ve been missing Nathaniel a lot lately because I haven’t seen him in more than two weeks, and that definitely affects my mood. However, we are both working really hard to plan something out this week. I know it doesn’t do any good to think/feel this way, but whenever I see pictures of him having fun and hanging out with his other friends, it makes me feel…bad? Not in a sense that I don’t want him to have friends or anything- of course I do- but I guess I just feel bad that I’m not them. When I want to see my boyfriend, we have to basically plan out an entire operation of when and where we’re going to see each other. We don’t get to just casually “hang out” whenever we want, and I sort of envy the people who do. Like I said, I know that could easily become a toxic sentiment that evoles into “Maybe if I was a little bit better, X…”, so I’m trying to talk myself out of it whenever I feel that way. I’m sure a lot of people in “long distance” relationships can relate to that burning feeling of missing someone. 

Anyway, after I publish this article I’m going to go to Starbucks to get an Iced Guava Passion Fruit drink (highly recommend,) and then I’m going to work on Tuesday’s article, get some cleaning done, and practice learning drinks. Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a fabulous week ahead of you!

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Hey guys! Sorry I was a little late with today’s article; I started work this week and things have just been crazy. Yesterday I spent most of the day just playing catch-up with chores and groceries, so today is really my first opportunity to sit down, relax, and get some writing done. I had a different article planned for today, but I decided to switch it up at the last minute and give you guys a scoop on what my average day is like. It definitely differs from day to day, but on average, this is what my usual routine pans out to be on a workday. On days off, there is really no order in which I do things.

5:00am: Because I work morning shifts, it’s not uncommon for me to wake up between 4:00am and 6:00am. On a typical day, I start at 7:00, which means I have to get up about two hours beforehand. The first hour is for getting ready, and the second hour is for commuting. I don’t spend too much time messing with my hair or makeup; I just take a quick shower, shovel down a quick (but filling) breakfast, and throw my hair up into a ponytail or a hat. And I don’t have to worry about getting a coffee, because I work at Starbucks!

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6:00am: The first lightrail of the morning gets to my stop at 6:08 or so, so that’s always the train I will take if I’m working for 7:00. Even if the train is a few minutes late or if there is a delay, I will have to really hustle (and possibly run) to compensate for it. I take the train inbound for 4 stops, switch to another line (about a ten minute walk,) ride the other train for one stop, and then walk for about 25 minutes until I get to work. It’s not as bad as it sounds, especially if it’s the early morning and it’s still cool outside. It’s leaving work and doing the commute all over again that really kills my legs, especially since I’m standing and running around all day in between! Sometimes I will opt for uber or try to get a ride, but that’s only if the weather is ridiculous.

7:00am: Like I said, most days I will get to work around this time, permitting on the shift. I get my coffee, tie on my apron, and get ready for a day of work. 

9:30am: If I am working under six hours, I will get one ten minute break around mid morning. Obviously ten minutes doesn’t give me time to do much, so I’ll usually just take a bathroom break, chug some water, and check my text messages. Then it’s back to work for a few more hours! 

12:30pm: A 5.5 hour shift means I’m technically finished at 12:30 on the dot, but I rarely ever leave right at that time. Like I said earlier, my legs are usually not prepared for the gruelling walk, so most days I’ll order lunch from work, find a shady little bench, and park myself there for 10-20 minutes while I eat. This gives me time to get some food in my system, and it also gives my legs an opportunity to recharge. Then I’ll do my commute again, except the opposite order: get the walking out of the way first, and then ride the train for the last stretch. 

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Not loving the summer heat, I have to say.

2:00pm: Once I get home, the first thing I do is kick off my shoes and flop down onto my chair/bed for a few minutes. This is usually when I take a few minutes (or a lot of minutes) to scroll through social media, call my friends, or watch a couple of YouTube videos. Then, I take a look at my to-do list and knock out anything vital. If I have to go to the pharmacy or get groceries, I’ll do that first, and then I’ll get a few chores done, such as mopping, paying bills, putting away dishes, or doing a load of laundry. The only “chore” I won’t do is my workout; I only do those on my off days. 

5:30pm: Around 5 or 6, I will prepare my dinner or order takeout, depending on what day it is. My favorite things to prepare for dinner are salads, skillet meals, or if I’m feeling lazy, macaroni and cheese or soup. I like to eat in my room because my housemates are usually home by this time and I’m not always feeling very social after being surrounded by people all day. My room is definitely my safe haven.

7:00pm: I take the rest of the evening to just unwind and have some fun, such as by playing The Sims or pouring over novels in bed. Lately, however, I’ve been on a huge Sims binge and I’ve been playing for hours and hours. I can’t help it, I’m just so obsessed with the game. You can ask anyone- it’s the #1 thing I do in my free time.

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We stan a good, healthy skillet meal. And yes, that’s veggie chicken!

10:00pm: This is usually the standard time I begin my nighttime routine. I take off my makeup, which is usually just eyebrow pencil on a work day, brush my teeth, take my medications and melatonin, and change into my pajamas. Most nights I call Nathaniel before bed so I can tell him about my day, and I can hear about his day as well. He’s been practicing guitar quite a bit lately, so I can hear him strumming cords in the background while we chat. The combination of his deep voice, him playing, and the melatonin setting in is usually what makes me sleepy. I try to have the lights out and the AC on by 11:00pm at the latest on a weeknight. If I have the next day off, well, I’ll probably stay up another hour or two.  The last thing I do before falling asleep is to put on a Vsauce playlist, because that’s what I like to listen to when I fall asleep. And then I’m out like a light!

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Look at this mans. Putting up with talking to ME every single night. A true hero. 

I hope you guys found this article interesting! I know it may not seem very exciting, but it is a busy day for me, and I usually feel proud of myself by the time I hit the pillow at night for getting so much done. Particularly with coronavirus, it’s important to me to stay busy so that I feel like I am being productive and making positive changes in my life.

Monday, June 22

Hi, I hope you guys are doing okay and staying positive. I’m sort of not, as you can probably tell from the title, so I figured writing furiously about my feelings might help me to relax and let out a little bit of steam.

I’ve been feeling simultaneously tense and deflated for the past 15 or so hours, probably due to a lot of smaller factors that are all just adding up to one monster Stress. I found it really difficult to feel comfortable and secure last night, so I didn’t sleep well for the first time in a while. I dozed off around 2am and woke up at 6am, and my body decided that was it- it was time to be awake. And since I now had a couple of extra hours to get ready before my job interview today, I decided to drop off some journals I needed to mail at the post office. Which would have been all fine and dandy, except for the fact that I got off the T and FORGOT MY PACKAGES ON THE TRAIN. 

If I hadn’t taken an Ativan this morning, I probably would have just knelt down on the sidewalk and started crying at that point. I know that sounds dramatic, but when you work really hard at something, like an Etsy shop, and then you lose orders, it feels like you’re just throwing your proud work into a burning trash can. So I was pretty bummed about that, obviously, but I did still have the envelope I needed to mail out to my old bank, so I figured I could at least drop off the envelope and get that finished. Problem was, the line was literally out the door at the post office I visited, so I had to speed walk all the way back to where I started for my job interview. And the interview itself went fine, I think, but I was feeling so shaky and stressed and frazzled on the inside, I burst into tears the minute I stepped out of the building. So to make up for all of the unnecessary stress that had been building up inside me for the past few hours, I decided, you know what? Fuck it, I’m going to go to tj maxx and buy a candle. I’m going to buy a luscious fall-scented candle, I’m going to go home and light it, and I’m going to flop out onto my bed and smell my candle and have some me time.

So the candle and the good sob I had this afternoon did actually help a little bit, but I’m still feeling pretty on edge. And I think one of the things that’s making me self-destruct a little bit inside is this: I feel like I’m not getting enough genuine attention from anyone.

I feel horrible and entitled even saying something like that, but there are only so many text messages from friends that say “Cheer up! Things will get better” and “I care about you” before you wonder how much people actually care about you, or if they’re just trying to get you to stop complaining about your life. Because I don’t want people to just say that they care, I want people to show me. And I know I’m limited for options because I’m in a pandemic, but I guess what I’m really saying is I wish the people I truly care about would maybe step it up a little bit. Because right now, I feel like just lashing out and fighting everyone so they give me more attention, and I’m embarrassed to even be feeling that way.

I know that probably all sounded really dramatic, and I know there are worse things going on in the world. I’m an adult and I can figure it out on my own. I just wish I had someone to hug at the end of the day, or talk with face-to-face, because getting encouraging text messages just means nothing to me at this point. And like I said, maybe people do care, but the signals I’m getting back is that people are only saying nice things to shut me up. 


Sunday, June 28

I thought about deleting those last couple of paragraphs when I was getting ready to post today, but I’ve decided it’s important to let myself feel my feelings and my frustration instead of backspacing on it and pretending it never happened. I am feeling much better and more optimistic this week. For one thing, I have a job interview at Starbucks on Wednesday! I am really looking forward to that, because I have wanted to work at a Starbucks for MONTHS now and I applied to 25 different locations in Boston. So I’m hoping that goes well; I do feel well-prepared.

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I’ve spent the last few days with Buck, which has been lovely. We’ve been doing the usual- watching movies, hanging out with his family, visiting the cows, and listening to a lot of podcasts and Grateful Dead. I love spending time out here with him, but I’m also really looking forward to him spending more time at my apartment. I love taking care of people, and I am so excited to cook for him and take him to all my favorite little spots around the city. I’m also looking forward to our vacation next week, which, of course, I will be sure to take lots of pictures of. My Polaroid camera is loaded and ready for adventures.

Monday, June 15

It officially feels like summertime, even if I’m not able to do my usual favorite summer activities. The weather has actually been really nice here in Boston- not too humid, and not frigid either. Today it was perfect outside, so I ate my dinner outside on my front doorstep and just thought about my life and the world and the universe in general. My hormones and my anxiety definitely took a little bit of a dip this week, so I spent some time crying, doubting myself, feeling angry at the world, etc., but I pulled myself out of it as usual. I think it’s honestly okay to feel however you need to feel, even if it’s not completely sunshiney all the time. I find that the more open I allow myself to be with my emotions, the faster I move on from those funks. So I had my little cry, vented to some friends, and now I’m feeling much better.

In a nutshell, I’ve just been stressed about the same old things. I still cannot find a job, and I’m running out of money to buy food, so I had to ask my mom if I could borrow $40 (and I HATE asking people for money.) When you reach a point of broke-ness that you can’t feed yourself anymore, it’s a scary place to be. However, I am very fortunate and lucky to have my support system, and my good friend MJ venmo’d me $20 so I can buy groceries for the week. Thank you, MJ!

For those who have asked me how they can support me financially, buying a journal from my Etsy shop helps me to pay my bills!

So obviously financial problems have been the root of my stress and anger lately. I know money doesn’t solve all your problems, but it would certainly make my life a lot less stressful. Despite that, I’ve been feeling very creative and generally upbeat lately. I spend my days applying to jobs (I applied to 25 jobs yesterday,) making journals, painting, and of course, writing. Writing has always been my rock, and in a way, a great, healthy, self-soothing mechanism. 


Wednesday, June 17

I’m still in go-go-go mode, so I’ve been utilizing this burst of energy to apply to more jobs, make more journals, and get more writing projects done. Sometimes I go through days where I just can’t be bothered to do anything, and then there are days like this, where I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done!
Like I said, I applied to six jobs today and my fingers are crossed that one will contact me back. I also put together a list of interview questions for a new story I’m conducting, so that will probably be out at some point in the next couple of weeks. I absolutely love interviewing other artists and writers, so it’s been a real joy to be in contact with so many amazing people through the journey of my publication. 

It’s about 4:30pm right now, so I’d like to photograph some journals to put on Etsy before the sun starts to go down and I lose that natural light. I am very proud of my animal-themed collection- what do you guys think?

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Friday, June 19

These past couple of days have actually been very successful and relieving, for a couple of reasons. For one, I was approved for food stamps, and that’s really going to help me afford groceries while I look for a job. Secondly, I finally switched over to a universal bank after struggling to get that done for weeks! I was also able to deposit my savings bonds while I did that, so that took a huge weight off my shoulders to have savings again. Now, I can finally buy things I need again, that I couldn’t afford to buy before, and I can pay my utilities bills without stress for a couple of months. Speaking of essentials, my mom very generously sent me a package the other day with toothpaste, new underwear, pads, and face wash. I almost cried; it was like Christmas to have those things. Not trying to sound dramatic, but seriously- I could not afford any of it until I took care of my bonds. I feel like a huge relief has been lifted off my shoulders.

The third wonderful thing that happened this week was that I had the privilege of interviewing one of my all-time favorite authors- Wendelin Van Draanen. We had a lovely hour-long conversation and discussed everything from rock and roll to the nitty gritty details of the Sammy Keyes series. Then, she told me she was going to send me a couple of her books, and my heart absolutely shot out of my body. How cool is that, that my favorite author is sending me more of her books?

So anyway, I’m feeling really good and much more secure today than I was earlier this week. I’m so looking forward to my little vacation with Nathaniel at the beginning of July, and I will be sure to take lots of pictures for you guys. Stay safe and please keep wearing your masks!

As a follow-up to my article posted on Tuesday, today I’d like to share with you my usual nighttime routine! As with my morning routine, it tends to differ slightly depending on the day, but this is my usual groove for a weekday night. 

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The time I decide to get ready for bed differs on a nightly basis, but it’s usually some time between 10pm and 11pm. The first thing I like to do is remove all of my makeup, if I happen to be wearing any that day. I know my makeup probably looks grueling to remove every night, but it’s actually a pretty painless process. I use this cloth called ‘the makeup eraser,’ and it wipes off almost all of my makeup in one swipe. Even my mascara and false eyelash glue comes off pretty easily, and with very minimal scrubbing. I also like this cloth a lot because it’s a low-waste alternative to buying disposable makeup wipes, which saves me money in the long run.

After I remove all my makeup, I’ll usually brush my teeth and do my nightly skincare routine. As I mentioned in Tuesday’s article, I’ve been using Soap & Glory products lately in both the morning and at night. My usual line of action is cleansing, toning, and moisturizing, and occasionally I will exfoliate as well, depending on the condition of my skin. I have incredibly oily skin, so it’s really important to me that I go to bed with the cleanest, freshest skin possible.

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This is kind of a weird, random facet of my nighttime routine, but before I get into bed, I ALWAYS go into my kitchen and make sure things are tidy. If there are dirty dishes, crumbs on the counter, etc, I have to take care of all of that before I go to sleep. I guess it’s just the way my mom raised me- you should never go to bed with a dirty kitchen or dishes in the sink! It’s a pretty good habit to get into, in my opinion, and it makes mornings just a bit more manageable knowing I don’t have to empty the dishwasher or clean pots and pans. 

The very last thing I do before getting physically into bed is removing my contact lenses. I try to keep them in as long as I possibly can, because once they’re out, I’m pretty much as blind as a bat. I do own glasses, but the prescription is not up-to-date and I can’t see very well in those, either. Once my contacts are out for the night, I’m pretty much visually useless and I can’t really see anything farther than two feet away. 

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About 60 minutes or so before I want to actually fall asleep, I will take all of my medications and vitamins. I always take my medications around the same time every night to ensure that they’re working as properly as possible, particularly my birth control and escitalopram. The other medications are not as critical as those two, but they’re still important: calcium supplements, THC tincture, immune-boosting gummies, and 10mg of melatonin. I’m happy to say I’ve finally weaned off of Unisom, which I had been relying on for sleep for about five months. Now, just a single dose of melatonin is enough to get me sleepy and (usually) prevent me from waking up throughout the night. Remember last fall when I was having those horrendous sleep problems? Yeah, that was no fun. The good news is, I seem to have more or less recovered from that. 

While I’m waiting for my melatonin to kick in, I’ll finish off the night by attempting to do something relaxing, such as reading, knitting, or listening to a podcast/Vsauce video. I’m reading a ton of books right now, and my boyfriend recently gave me a few more he thought I’d like, so I’m never short of novels to dive into before bed. If you saw my ‘What I’m Reading Right Now” article, you probably saw that I’m currently loving Memoirs of a Geisha, Anne of Avonlea, and In a Dark, Dark Wood. I’ve also just started reading Venus in Furs and some T.S. Elliot poetry, which I like quite a lot, and I’d like to delve into Cat’s Cradle by Vonnegut, Selected Works by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Faust, Italian Journey), and The Basic Writings of Sigmund Freud as well. With Freudian writings, I’m particularly interested in reading Psychopathology of Everyday Life, The Interpretation of Dreams, and The Theory of Sex

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Alright, that was a lot. Realistically, I usually read for around 60-90 minutes a day, or a chapter of 3-5 books each. After I start to get really sleepy, which is usually around an hour after melatonin, I switch over to YouTube and put on a Vsauce playlist to fall asleep to. I’m not quite sure why I love listening to his videos so much, but they are very relaxing for me and they help me to fall asleep within minutes.

Anyway, that’s my entire nighttime routine while working from home and self-quarantining! Like I said, it differs slightly depending on the day, and on weekend nights, I can sometimes skip steps altogether (except for kitchen tidying and medications- I NEVER miss those.) However, like anyone, sometimes there are just days when I don’t want to do my skincare routine. Or I would just rather binge watch Women Behind Bars than sit down with a stack of 19th-century novels and pretend I am a highly intelligent Victorian lady doting over high-culture literature. Whatever the night entails, I always try to aim for between 7-10 hours of sleep, so that I can start my day feeling bright and productive. Take care of yourselves, everyone! Beauty sleep is important. And stay safe, too!

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With all of the turbulent changes happening to many of us during this time, it’s no surprise that our routines from morning to night are changing as well. I’ve actually planned on posting this article for a while now- it just so happened that the date lined up with a global pandemic. Because I am living at home currently, my schedule is quite a bit different than it was when I was living on campus. For one thing, I’m able to sleep in a little bit later! I also have more time for other things, such as workouts and doing my makeup. From start to finish, this is how a usual weekday morning goes for me.

Like many people, the first thing I do in the morning after shutting off my alarm is take a few minutes to scroll through my phone. I’m a member of several group chats that I keep muted, so the first thing I’ll usually do is flip through my messages and make sure I’m not missing any important information. I’ll also check my many emails: my regular email, my school email, and my work email, to see if there is anything crucial I need to add into my daily workload. Additionally, I like to read through theSkimm newsletter sent to my email to stay up-to-date on current events.

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After catching up on socials and messages, the next thing to start my morning is a big cup of black coffee. My caffeine intake has been slowly increasing over time, and as of right now, I’m averaging about 16oz of coffee per day. The less coffee I have, the less productive and awake I’m likely to be. I also prefer a light breakfast over a super substantial one, unless it’s a weekend and I’m feeling a bit fancier. Lately, I’ve been enjoying either the soft-baked Belvita breakfast bars, or a bowl of vanilla yogurt with blueberry granola. 

I’ll either put in my contacts before my morning shower, or immediately after; either way, it’s one of the first things I do when I wake up. Putting in my contacts can also really wake me up if I’m feeling groggy- there’s nothing like sticking your fingers into your eyeballs to make you feel awake. 

At least twice a week, I like to do a quick workout to help me jump into the day and make me feel pumped and ready to get things done. I don’t like going to the gym (and even if I did, I wouldn’t leave my house right now,) so I follow exercises from a workout book called Body Boss. The workouts usually take me between 15-25 minutes, depending on how long I decide to warm up, and encompass everything from cardio to weight training.

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By this time, it’s usually around 11am or so, and that’s right around when I take my morning shower. I also do my morning skincare routine, which includes cleansing, toning, and moisturizing. Right now, everything I’m using for skincare is by the brand Soap & Glory, and I’m absolutely in love with their design and packaging. I haven’t been using the brand long enough to know if the products really work, but I do really love everything this brand is about and how cute everything is!

Immediately after my shower and while my hair is still wet, I always go ahead and apply the same two products: a damage repair leave-in treatment by Aveda, and a few spritzes of the Prep Rally spray by Drybar. Bleach really takes a toll on the quality of one’s hair, and even though mine is in fairly good condition, I still like to keep it as healthy as possible. Because my hair is naturally curly, it gets quite frizzy if I brush it while it’s still wet. Using a couple of high-quality products on the daily helps me to keep my hair and check and maintain a salon-smooth silkiness.

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Lastly, depending on what my agenda for the day is, I’ll either go completely bare-faced or put on a full face of makeup (there is no in-between.) I don’t put on makeup with the intention of going anywhere; I just genuinely love the relaxing process of putting on makeup, and I feel really good about myself when I have it on. Even though it’s just a little thing, it really brightens up my day and even boosts my productivity and my creativity.

By this time, it’s usually around noon and the morning is over! The next line of action is just for me to start my work for the day! Like I said, my routine would be very different if I was still at school and going to physical classes every day. I can assure you that I definitely would not be working out twice a week, or spending so much time doing my makeup. However, even though the times are strange right now, I am making do with my circumstances and trying to live my best life. I hope you found this article entertaining, and I’m looking forward to posting my updated night routine on Thursday! Stay safe, everyone.

Tuesday, April 7

Hey everyone, hope you’re hanging in there. I’m doing pretty well; I’ve been awake for a couple of hours and I’m still sipping my morning coffee, and trying to get some work done. My agenda today is a mixed bag: I want to get some work done for my internship, do some job hunting, do some homework, blog, and knock out a couple of articles for Analog. I’ve been really racking my brains lately trying to think of ways to make money. As you’re probably aware, the job market is really not prime for entry-level college grads right now. Monetizing my blog is absolutely an idea, but I would probably lose a bit of money before I gained anything and I just can’t afford that right now. I’ve also been thinking heavily about starting an Etsy shop for years now, but again, I can’t afford to even buy supplies until I have an actual full-time job. My dream situation would be to work full-time in a little bookstore or a shop or something, and spend my other free time making a bit of money through blogging, Etsy, etc. As long as I can be creative, that’s all that matters!

My mom is very supportive of my endeavors, but my dad hates this idea. He knows I’ve been studying my ass off for three years and he really wants me to get a fast-paced, corporate job with my degree right out of college. I don’t know how to explain to him that (A) I’m only twenty years old and my life dream is to work on a farm- I’m not really focused on climbing the corporate ladder, and (B) he didn’t even pay for a cent of my education, so why does he care how I choose to make my money after college?

So anyway, I’m trying to keep him out of all of that and NOT keep him in the loop about my life. It helps that I don’t live with him and I’ve only seen him once since last August.

Anyway, now for some uplifting news. I’M MOVING INTO MY FIRST APARTMENT! In case you’re wondering how I jumped from being broke to making an announcement like that, let me disclaim: my wonderful mother is helping me pay rent until the job market opens again, and I have some savings and bonds banked up, along with my tax return coming my way this month. I’m going to be absolutely fine until the world gets a bit back to normal and I can start making my own money again. 

I’ve already cut back and donated a ton of stuff, and I’m generally pretty minimalist anyway, so I feel like I’m in good shape to move my life into a new home. Of course, it’s so scary that I’m not going to be living at home anymore, even though I basically did that at college anyway. It’s also quite sad that I can’t have any pets like I planned, and Buck can’t move in with me after I graduate, but like I said, we are planning on getting a place together after my lease is up next year. It feels far away in theory, but time flies by, especially with the love of your life by your side. It’s also not completely out of my wheelhouse to make him a copy of my key, and then he can come ‘visit’ for a few months if he wants. 😉 

So, that’s pretty much it for now. I’m going to work on a couple of articles for the blog, and then I’m going to get started on Analog content. Stay safe, stay home, and stay optimistic! 


Thursday, April 9

Hi everybody, hope you’re all staying safe and healthy. I’m doing pretty well right now- at least, much better than I was yesterday. Yesterday was really stressful for me because my landlady wanted me and my housemates to congregate together in her office to go over the lease, as we’re all moving in on May 1. She also wanted our parents there, which made for a total of seven people in a tiny office during a deadly global pandemic. So I was admittedly pretty upset about that, because it was just such a useless and unnecessary trip to make when we’re all supposed to be self-quarantining. It totally could have been an email or a phone call instead of a two-hour visit.

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sneak peak of our new place!

However, even though that was really annoying, it ended up being a great day because I got to see the apartment for the first time. Gosh, it’s so clean and beautiful, and I love the area it’s in. It’s actually quite close to where I currently intern remotely, so if I got hired, that would be so convenient for me! I feel really safe in that neighborhood, and I can’t wait to move in. I’m still trying to figure out the situation for Buck and I after he graduates in December; I honestly might break the lease and start subletting so he and I can find a place. Or maybe, we’ll find a way for him to move in with me. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

So yes, yesterday was pretty crazy and stressful for me, but today I’m feeling much better. I got quite a bit of work done today, and now I’m just working on some blog stuff in bed with my dog sleeping next to me. I’m also going to do an in-depth cleanout of my room later, because I obviously can’t bring everything I own with me to this new apartment. It’s a good thing I’m already pretty minimalist and I don’t have a lot of furniture! 


Sunday, April 12

Happy Easter, everyone! And also, happy 21st birthday to me! Yes, I officially no longer have any more ‘fun’ birthdays, unless you count turning 25 as a milestone. Although we are in the midst of a pandemic and I can’t go get drunk on Chili’s margaritas like I planned, I’m still having a perfectly lovely day. I don’t have any classes or obligations today, being a Sunday and a holiday, and I finished all my homework yesterday so that I don’t have to even think about it today. Really, the only thing I have planned today is to watch Stranger Things and scroll through Pinterest for hours on end, and I’m perfectly happy to have things that way.

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For my birthday, my mom bought me my favorite red wine- the Summer Red Spritzer by Barefoot- and a panic button key-chain by the company invisiwear. It was a really thoughtful gift and I appreciate it so much, particularly since I’m moving into my first apartment in Boston and it’s generally just dangerous to be a young, pretty woman in the city by yourself. She also bought me a sweet little necklace from Etsy a few days ago, so that should be coming either today or tomorrow. It’s a little gold-plated necklace chain with an ‘N’ initial, for Nathaniel, of course.

So today is going to be a great day, and I’m in high spirits as well! I was definitely going through a funk a few days ago, probably thanks to PMDD, but now I’m feeling much brighter and ready to start the week. Stay safe, everyone, and take care of yourselves!