Sunday, August 9

Hi everyone! Hope you had a really great week and you’re looking forward to the days to come. My week has been much better than the one before, and I really feel like I am slowly healing from the pain and stress I was going through. I didn’t have anywhere to be this weekend, so I took advantage of that and caught up on a lot of sleep and “me time.” I remember this past Thursday night I essentially slept from 6pm to 7am, and that was a huge wake-up call for me that last week took a huge toll on me. I was exhausted, so hopefully that will provide some insight into why I was falling behind on everything else.

Today my main goal was to get my new phone set up, which my mom very generously sent to me in the mail (thanks, mom!), and I’m currently in the process of backing up my data onto the iCloud. It’s apparently going to take 4-5 hours, according to my phone, but at least it’s happening! I’m also passing the time by watching Leah Remini: Scientology and The Aftermath, which is my current favorite show to binge-watch. I’ve also been really enjoying The Last Dance, which is a documentary series about Michael Jordan and several other basketball stars who played for the Bulls. No, I would have never picked this documentary to watch on my own, but Nathaniel put it on when I went to visit him, and I just got suckered into it. I honestly feel like I could get invested in any subject if the documentary was interesting enough- does anyone else feel that way?

Self-Care Quotes - Because You Deserve Them | Hallmark Ideas ...

As for other ways I’m trying to heal from my depressive episode, I’ve been trying to do a lot more journaling and raw, unfiltered writing in my notebooks to feel more in-touch with myself and my feelings. It’s been so, so helpful, and it’s really helped me to appreciate myself more and understand how my past traumas have intertwined with my current stresses. If you’re also going through similar stress and anxiety, I would highly recommend finding a list of depression-specific prompts and answering one per day. I also made a bubble/flow chart of everything that’s on my mind lately, and discovered through making arrows that several of them were interconnected. That has been really helpful for me to break my stress into smaller pieces and tackle the smaller issues first, working my way into the bigger issues.

So basically, the sparknotes of what I’m trying to say is that I’m really proud of how I’m doing and the healthy coping mechanisms I am taking to better myself. Nathaniel has also been absolutely wonderful throughout this time, remaining patient and loving even in the moments that I’m hard on myself. 

I am working tomorrow through Thursday, per usual, and then my good friend MJ is coming to visit me from New York. Don’t worry, we are fully intending on keeping ourselves safe and socially distancing. I’m really excited to see them, because the last time I saw them was last August on the day we met. So this weekend is going to be our one-year friendversary, and I’m so overjoyed to be reunited with such an important friend in my life.

Anway, I’m going to try pre-scheduling all my content for this week so that I don’t have to worry about it while I’m working. I do like blogging and writing online, but sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to get it done! So here’s to hoping this week goes smoothly and painlessly, so that I can find that little bit of “me time” to get it done. 

As a die-hard night owl, it can really difficult for me to feel motivated and driven in the morning. One of the ways I like to wake myself up (and wind myself down at the end of the day) is by writing. Handwriting in a journal is so different than typing on a computer for me. For one thing, handwriting takes more thought and effort, and it simply just feels more private than putting something in a word document on the Internet. I love utilizing my computer to write about pressing non-fiction topics and blog posts, but when it comes to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, I definitely prefer journaling. Do any of you feel the same way?

I have a couple different types of paper journals I like to write in. The first is a dream journal, which I believe I have mentioned before in my college morning routine. It’s not a place for me to write goals or ambitions- it’s a place where I record the actual dreams I had the night before. Interestingly, I feel like writing down my dreams has actually made me dream more often. I’m not sure if there’s a scientific reason for this or not, but it would make sense to me that focusing on your dreams can make you more self-aware of them. Having a dream journal gives me something to look forward to in the morning, and exercising my mind first thing really helps me to wake up and feel productive from the get-go.

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I also have a more generalized journal, where I just record page-long entries about my emotions, experiences, or really just whatever is going on in my life at the time. I used to pressure myself to write an entry every day, but I realized pretty quickly that it’s not possible for me to have something interesting to say every day. It can also make journaling feel like a chore, which is the opposite of the point! Journaling should make you feel relaxed, happy, and willing to be open with yourself. 

Oddly, I’m not interested in re-reading my journal entries. In fact, I don’t think I ever have; I think deeply, I write my feelings, and then I literally close that chapter forever. It’s also partly because I’m embarrassed to re-read things I’ve thought and said in the past, because I am constantly driven to be a better version of myself and re-write the way I was before. Maybe someday when I’m much older I’ll decide to look back and read them, but today, it just doesn’t feel like the right time. 

Even if you don’t feel like there’s anything exciting going on in your life, it can still be beneficial to record your thoughts. You might discover something about yourself that you didn’t know was there before, or uncover an emotional issue you were bottling up without realizing it. Maybe you don’t even think of yourself as a writer, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a story that deserves to be told.

Coming up next: Spirit Quartz: Ethereal Feminine Energy