Today is my last day before heading back to work early in the morning, so I’m spending it on my patio, drinking apple cider and taking in the fresh air. While I do like to think of myself as “outdoorsy,” I’m not a huge fan of being outside in the city because I don’t really feel safe or comfortable. Bring me to a forest or a beach on an overcast day, however, and I’ll be a happy girl. Living in Boston has definitely made me realize that I’m not a city person; someday I think I’d be much happier living in the countryside, far away from people and surrounded by animals.
Even though being out of work for 2 weeks due to COVID has been a bit stressful, particularly since I don’t know anything about how catastrophe pay works, I’ve been holding up pretty okay. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and journaling, for example, and I’ve also caught up on my blog. Additionally, I’ve been trying to get more into baking (particularly breads,) so that’s been keeping me happy and occupied as well. Nathaniel is coming to see me from Friday to Saturday, and he’s already agreed to baking something with me. It’s going to be a short visit, only two days, but I’ll make the best of it. And once he comes back to campus, I’ll be able to see him a couple of times a week, at least.
The longer I go without seeing him, the harder and sadder it is for me to even talk to him on the phone, because I miss him so much. Which obviously isn’t his fault, or mine, it’s just that hearing his voice makes something well up inside me and miss him even more, realizing how far away he really is and how I start to forget what it’s like to hear his voice or feel him hugging me. You know, sappy things like that.
I’m going to try to go to bed early tonight, but who knows how well that will work. I’ve been admittedly sleeping late these past few days, so it might be difficult for me to force myself to sleep early. Nonetheless, I’ll try my best.
Sunday, August 30
This may be wishful thinking, but I think it’s really starting to feel like fall. The weather has been less humid lately, coffee shops are pushing for pumpkin spice, and sweaters are filling the racks in clothing stores. I’m so excited for colder days!
I just had a really marvelous weekend with Nathaniel, which I very much needed because I haven’t seen him in about four weeks. First he was swamped with work, and then I had a COVID scare, so the weeks just kept adding up and up. We spent Friday afternoon walking around Cambridge and visiting book stores, which happens to be one of my favorite pastimes, and that evening we sat on my porch and just held hands, staring at the sky and spending some stripped-down, technology-free time together. I remember at one point I asked him if I was going to be his wife someday and he said of course, which made my eyes well up with happy tears. It was one of those metaphorical veil-lifting evenings where you feel like you can see the world for how it really is, without anything else hanging down in your face. If that makes sense.
And when you go so long without seeing your soulmate, there’s absolutely nothing on this planet like waking up in the morning next to them. Poor Nathaniel, he’s such an early bird, but I sort of made him sleep in all morning with me. Saturday, we (unsurprisingly) went to another book store, and I picked out one of my favorite books from high school that I loved and have been meaning to read again. Nathaniel bought three records this weekend- two at Newbury Comics and one at Barnes and Noble. My boyfriend + record stores are a dangerous combination.
So it was a perfectly lovely weekend with my person, and now he’s gone but I can still feel all the warm fuzzies of him being here. I’m currently enjoying a pumpkin cream cold brew from Starbucks- which I highly recommend if you’re a fan of pumpkin. Do you consider yourself a Dunks person or a Starbucks person? I’m (of course) very loyal to Starbucks, considering I’m an employee of the corporation. Let me know what you guys prefer in the comments!
I normally steer away from tag posts, especially since I’m hardly ever tagged in anything. But this one seemed fun, and it was interesting for me to compile all of these tiny milestones into one post (albeit awkward at times.)
First app you check when you wake up in the morning?
Usually my gmail.
First broken bone?
I’ve never broken a bone, actually!
First foreign country you ever visited?
Canada, and I LOVED it.
First Instagram, Twitter or Facebook post?
I actually deleted most of my first embarrassing social media posts, so I don’t really remember. But it probably had a lot of filters and hashtags, since it was 2011-2012.
First make-up item?
I used to do community theater, so naturally, I had a collection of cheap drugstore makeup. Wet ‘n’ Wild mascara was probably one of the firsts, and I also had one of those dark blue foundation compacts all the theater kids had to buy (but I can’t remember what the brand was.)
First plane ride you ever went on?
I think I was six or seven, and it was on a trip to Disneyworld in Florida.
First time I ever got into trouble at home and school?
At home? I don’t remember the first time, but I used to get into a lot of trouble for picking on my brother, and he got into trouble for picking on me. The first time I got in trouble in school was in the 5th grade, when I got caught writing on a bathroom stall.
First time you were allowed to put on make-up?
Sixth or seventh grade. I wore cheap BB cream, mint green eyeshadow, and mascara. Oh, and the Baby Lips lip balm by Maybelline.
First YouTuber you subscribed to?
Gosh, I can’t remember! Probably Ryan Higa or Jenna Marbles.
First time you went shopping on your own?
My friend and I went shopping on “our own” for the first time in 6th or 7th grade, but what I didn’t know until later was that my mom actually followed pretty close behind us.
My first BF/GF?
His name was Antonio, and he was my boyfriend for nine months when I was a freshman in high school. We’re on good terms; I hope he’s doing well.
My First car?
Don’t have a car yet! Which is okay, because I can’t afford one.
My first Celebrity Crush?
Oh my gosh, David Bowie and Elton John. Still my celebrity crushes tbh.
My first cooking experience?
I don’t remember my first exact cooking experience, but I do know that one of the first things I learned how to make was boiling spaghetti.
My first crush?
My first crush was on a boy named Ben when I was in kindergarten. We thought we were married and every time we hung out it would be our “anniversary.”
My first ever cell phone?
It was a flip phone, and it was a brick.
My first ever date?
A concert on Valentine’s Day.
My first ever kiss?
First peck was with a boy named Michael in 6th grade in the science wing hallway, first actual kiss was with my first real boyfriend.
My first fear?
I was basically afraid of everything when I was little. The things that stand out are hurricanes, tornadoes, fire drills, and spiders.
My first friend in college?
My first friend in college turned out to be a very toxic person.
My first heartbreak
Ending my first relationship was obviously sad, but being broken up with in my second serious relationship completely shattered my world because I did NOT see it coming. To this day, I still try not to think about it, and it left me with pretty serious abandonment/paranoia issues that I’m still tackling.
My first Instagram post?
Oh man, I have no clue. I deleted my first Instagram account, but it was probably a selfie or something dumb.
My first job?
I worked as a cashier at Marshalls for about two and a half years.
My first language?
English, and to this day, it’s the only language I’ve learned. I learned a little French in high school, but I’m certainly nowhere near fluent.
My first love?
I did really love my first boyfriend, but I’m definitely glad that relationship ended and I feel like my tastes have really refined as an adult woman now. Nathaniel is just…10/10. Chef’s kiss.
My first pet?
My first pet was a hamster named Cutie, and he was a SAVAGE. That dude figured out how to open his cage from the inside, and he would get out in the middle of the night and escape into our basement. We briefly lost him on a few occasions.
My first piercing and when did I get it?
I got my ears pierced when I was 12, and that’s still the only piercing I’ve ever gotten.
My first sexual experience?
Again with the first boyfriend thing.
My first swear word?
Ha, when I was in middle school, my friends and I considered words like “hell,” “damn,” and “sex” to be curse words. If you said any of those things, you were pretty edgy.
My first tattoo?
I actually do not have any tattoos, and I don’t have plans to get any.
My first thought today?
Darn, I wanted to get up earlier.
My first time on a plane?
I think I was five or six, and my family and I were going to Disney World.
My first time on a ship?
Does the little boat that takes you to the Statue of Liberty count?
My first time on a train?
When my brother and I were little, our parents took us for a ride on “The Polar Express” one Christmas. It was actually just a service the commuter rail was running, and Josh and I saw right through it, haha.
My first toy?
My first and favorite toy was a small, blue bear who I named “Marshmallow.” He was my favorite little dude, and I took him everywhere.
My first tweet?
I also don’t remember this, because I think I deleted the first Twitter account I’ve ever made. I go through phases where I decide social media is toxic and I delete everything, hence why a lot of my current accounts are not my first ones.
My first YouTube video?
The only thing I’ve ever posted onto YouTube was a project for health class in high school. It’s called “Spermtanic,” and you can still watch it!
My first online profile picture?
I don’t have the picture anyone, but this was one of the firsts.
The first book I remember reading?
I remember my mom reading The English Roses by Madonna to me all the time. I loved that book!
The first concert I ever attended?
I believe it was the concert I mentioned earlier, and it was for the band Kodaline.
The first movie I remember seeing?
I remember seeing Pirates of the Carribean when I was really little, and being scared shitless!
The first person I talked to today?
That would be my housemate, Erin.
The first person that ever broke my heart?
His name was Armando, and he was the second serious relationship in my life. Hope he’s doing well, though!
The first person you text when something exciting happens?
Definitely Eli, 100%. And Nathaniel as well. Last night I texted him to tell him I saw two disgusting, giant beetles reproducing on my back porch while I was trying to take out the trash. He said that was “radical.”
The first text I sent today?
The first text I sent today was to my roommate, Erin, in response to her asking if I wanted to go shopping. And yes, I did agree!
The first thing I do every morning?
I check my phone, brew my coffee, and make my bed.
The first thing I do when I get home?
I check the mail and usually get a snack.
The first time you ever got drunk?
I actually don’t know if I’ve ever been properly drunk. I’ve been buzzed and a bit tipsy, but never flat-out drunk.
The first wedding I attended?
I attended a wedding when I was really little, but I don’t think it was anyone I was close to and I definitely don’t remember it. I think I was five or six.
When did you go to your first party?
The first party I ever attended was a Halloween party on Mission Hill, senior year of high school.
When did you have your first sleepover?
When I was in elementary school, I used to have sleepovers with my neighbors and the kids in my neighborhood all the time.
First time I got a speeding ticket?
I don’t have a license, so I’ve never gotten a ticket for anything!
First time I got in a fist fight?
I’ve never been in a fist fight, thankfully.
As you can see, I definitely have not done much, but it was still very enjoyable for me to go sift through all of these memories. I hope you guys enjoyed learning a little bit about me!
You know, I was kind of hoping the Juleen Chronicles would sort themselves out by now, but the tea is still piping hot, and the drama still ensues. Like I said in Part I, it’s never my goal to piss off Julia and Eileen by picking them apart, but I am a writer and I enjoy publishing social commentary. So here we are.
Today I’m going to be explaining the events that have ensued since August, summarizing what other people think about the situation, summarizing what Eileen and Julia themselves think about the situation, and of course, including my own thoughts as well. And believe me, I have plenty.
So, where did we leave off? Julia bailed Eileen out of the clink, and as of now, we’re still waiting for Eileen to make a video explaining her legal experience. She did put out an odd, uncomfortable video trying to justify her shady behavior back in September, but that honestly only raised more questions instead of putting the issue to rest.
Here’s the thing that I don’t think Julia and Eileen realize. They’re “social media influencers,” right? Which means they have no problem with putting most of their lives on the internet (and trust me, I’ve seen way more of Eileen’s naked body on YouTube than I ever wanted to). Obviously, Julia and Eileen are trying to push this narrative that they don’t care what anybody thinks about them; you can judge them all you want and they’re going to keep insisting that they don’t pay it any mind. Begone, bots! Right, Eileen?
Except, that’s not the case at all. Julia and Eileen clearly care VERY much what people think about them and their relationship. Their uncomfortable attachment reminds me a bit of the relationship between Norman Bates and his mother in Bates Motel. They constantly try to tirelessly sell themselves to the internet, leaving uncomfortable, sappy, borderline creepy messages upon each other’s pages. And then, the second a single person steps in and expresses concern, BOOM, you’re branded a hater. Or a bot. Or an ageist homophobe.
As a queer woman and a person who has been surrounded by friends and ex partners much older than me, I’m going to go ahead and reject all of those labels. So sit back, relax, and get ready for round two of my thoughts and feelings.
Let’s start with the red flags I, and many others, have seen popping up all over Julia’s YouTube channel and social media. By the way, I recommend watching the YouTube video titled “Why I’m Worried About Julia Zelg”, which was taken down by the original uploader and later reposted by a user named “bee.” I don’t agree with all of the points in that video, particularly about Eileen being a cold-blooded abuser. I definitely think the video creator was projecting her own life experiences a bit, without enough factual evidence to back up claims of abuse in Juleen’s case. Do I think Eileen is kinda annoying and a manipulative liar? Absolutely. Do I think there’s enough evidence to declare her an abusive partner? Not particularly. That being said, she did have some valid points, especially about the dangers of whirlwind romances and moving relationships along too quickly.
Coming from the biggest hopeless romantic on the planet, I understand how tempting it can be to get caught up in fast-paced love affairs and seemingly perfect partners. You see everything you want to see, and reject the things you don’t want to see as they gradually pop up. 99% of the time, it leads to an unhealthy relationship in which true thoughts and feelings are bottled up. The fact that Julia and Eileen married after less than a year of dating makes the entire trainwreck so much worse. I mean, Julia literally made the most substantial and legally binding commitment to another human that you can. No matter what Julia’s feelings about Eileen are at this point, I highly doubt she’s willing to face the harsh reality of divorce right now. It kind of reminds me of the Kim Kardashian + Kris Humphries scandal; can you imagine Julia’s embarrassment if she divorced Eileen after less than a year of marriage?
I think that in a lot of ways, Julia views Eileen has her security blanket. No matter how upset or annoyed she becomes with Eileen, she only clings onto her even more. The “you and me against the world” mindset only becomes stronger, especially in the face of “haters” and “bots.” I do want to talk about their rejection of constructive criticism in more detail a bit later, but for now, let’s start from the beginning of their whirlwind romance, and where I personally began to see the red flags popping up.
There seems to be a stereotype that lesbians move relationships along quickly; I myself have even joked that I’m a “U-Haul Gay,” so I completely understand what it feels like to fall in love with someone and have the urge to rush things. However, that doesn’t mean it’s always the right thing to do, even if it may feel perfect at the beginning. There’s a name for this predicament: “The Honeymoon Phase.” It’s easy to ignore red flags and pretend you don’t notice criticism when you’re madly head over heels for someone, and Julia’s a pretty solid example of this. It’s also never a good idea to move in, propose to, and then marry someone all in the span of eight or nine months. Sure, there’s a chance it’ll work out and everything will go smoothly, but it’s predominantly more likely that you’ll end up discovering your partner’s “ugly side” the hard way. Or their criminal record. Or, you know, that first marriage they hid from you and blatantly lied about. Just the little things like that.
Of course, Julia didn’t know about any of this until after she’d been married to Eileen for a couple of months. Like I said before, I doubt she’s going to get a divorce after she just spent most of her life savings on a beautiful wedding. That doesn’t mean her frustrations and concerns aren’t bubbling, which brings me to my next point: Julia’s breakdowns on social media.
Obviously at this point, Julia was starting to get a lot of flack for her relationship with Eileen. I won’t deny that there are a few purposefully hurtful comments on Julia and Eileen’s videos, but to be honest, the majority of them aren’t “bullying” or “hate.” Most of these comments come from a well-intentioned place of concern (and rightfully, at that). Julia is a content creator with a social media presence; she has to know that when you put your life out on display like that, there will be people who throw in their own two cents. And that doesn’t mean they hate you, or that they’re ageist or homophobic. If anything, I think it shows that people really care. Especially in my situation- I adore Julia, and I think she’s good-hearted, but she’s so blind to the realities of her turbulent life. And it’s a tad frightening to watch. After the tragic passing of Julia’s grandfather, she hopped on YouTube to make a tearful video about the recent events of her life. I do believe she was genuinely upset about the passing of her grandfather, but the impression I got from that video is that something MUCH worse was going on behind the scenes. Not only her rocky relationship with Eileen, but also the dozens of comments basically telling Julia to run. I’m not surprised it pushed her over the edge. Instead of actually considering that people may be trying to help her, Julia’s allowing herself to spiral deeper into a sense of chaos- and the cracks are starting to show.
Perhaps the newest and most alarming drama in Julia’s life is centered around her ever-changing appearance, including ballooning lips, a face full of botox, and now, drilled-down teeth which have been replaced by veneers. Julia has been trying to assure her fans that she’s entitled to do whatever she wants with her body, and she certainly is, but that doesn’t wipe away all of the very valid concerns her fans have voiced. For example, Julia has very vocally expressed on her channel that she deals with body dysmorphia, an eating disorder, and severe self esteem issues. I personally don’t think it’s wise for someone who’s clearly not in a healthy mental state to go through so many irreversible cosmetic changes. Yes, the fillers are technically “temporary,” but continuing to use them for prolonged periods of time can be terrible for your skin. Also, the veneers? FOR REAL? Julia had perfectly lovely teeth before, and there’s absolutely no reason she had to undergo such a serious and PERMANENT procedure to “fix” them. As of right now, Julia’s veneer vlog has its comments disabled, likely due to the large amount of backlash she received.
On that note, back to the rejection of criticism I was talking about before. At this point, I can imagine Julia’s under a lot of stress when you combine her crooked wife, her constant online backlash, and her apparent ongoing body issues. Rather than thinking critically about the comments that are coming her way, I think Julia has basically reverted to a state of panic and self destruction. I’m sure Eileen coddling her along and telling her that we’re all “haters” isn’t really helping matters.
With that being said, there are actually a couple of empathetic things that I would like to say on Julia’s behalf. I’ve noticed that she’s been under a lot of scrutiny lately, especially around her appearance, and I do genuinely worry about her mental health during these dark days of her life. Even though I also agree that her new, invasive cosmetic procedures are alarming, and the direction of her channel and her marriage are problematic at best, I want to encourage everyone to at least be gentle with Julia. Even if you feel compelled to comment on the situation, like I am obviously doing right now, there’s no need to be hurtful, rude, hateful, or make her feel worse about herself. I’m sure she does hear what we’re saying in the back of her mind, but right now, the scrutiny overload is probably crazy for her and I doubt she’s going to really listen to any of us. All we can really hope for is that she’ll have an epiphany and turn her life around- not for OUR sake, but for her own. I truly wish her the best with everything, even if that means filing for divorce from Eileen and re-starting her own social media presence. Like many of us have said before, we want the old Julia back.
*Disclaimer: this is, like, ten pages, so I hope you brought your popcorn. Also, as you will hear me say again and again in this article, this is NOT intended to bash Julia or be received as any type of hate. She is naive in this situation, but clearly also a very compassionate person and I truly wish the best for her.*
I actually have a lot of admiration for so many elements of her personality. She is kind, creative, and a hopeless romantic, and (with the right direction) I truly feel like she has a lot to bring to the table. With the right choices, Julia Zelg could easily build a career as a successful musician and YouTuber. The reason I’m making this article is not to criticize her or beat her down- rather, I want to express my concerns for some red flags I have noticed in her videos lately (and so have many others- go check out the Pretty Ugly Little Liars thread on Julia Zelg if you’re completely in the dark).
Like I said, this post is coming from a place of kindness and concern, so let’s not beat Julia down or leave rude comments on the situation. I have noted on the PULL thread that while some people bring up very valid concerns, others are simply just making fun of her, degrading her, and body-shaming her wife. Any hateful comments made about Julia are unacceptable and will be deleted. Like I said, I do not think Julia is a bad person, but her actions of late have been questionable and arguably tasteless. And definitely a bit narcissistic, depending how you view her intentions.
Despite her downfalls, I actually think she’s a very sweet person. I had the chance to meet her in New York City, which is more or less when the drama around her and Eileen’s channels came to a head. From first-person experience, I can say she looked exhausted, emotionally depleted, small, and genuinely sad. I had known that there were a few minor red flags in the past, but I more or less brushed them off and just accepted that the dynamic of their relationship was kind of weird. Not because they’re gay- I don’t have a problem with that (I’m a lesbian myself). I wasn’t even really bothered by the age gap; they’re two consenting adults, so who cares? What kind of seemed weird to me was just the way Julia and Eileen interacted in videos, especially in videos together. It’s one thing to be affectionate, but Julia and Eileen are highly attached to each other and their channel has a “reality television” vibe to it. It’s obvious to many that Julia wants to be famous, and while she is successful on YouTube, she certainly is not a celebrity. I’ll explain a bit more on that later, but first, let me give you some of the backstory.
I started watching Julia’s channel about a year and a half ago, when she was still dating her ex-girlfriend, Maria. My initial thoughts were that this was a very surprising coupling of two people, because Julia, 25, prefers to date women in their 50s and 60s. I didn’t feel inclined to leave a hate comment like some people, because I didn’t (and still don’t) think she’s doing anything wrong by dating older women. If you’re both consenting adults and you’re happy, then who am I to stop you?
Julia and Maria eventually broke up, and about a month or two (more or less) later, Julia started seeing Eileen De Freest, a 61 year-old political pundit for BBC III. had been watching Julia’s channel for a while now and wasn’t surprised by this, and truly, I was even happy for her. I feel the need to reinforce that I don’t have a problem with the age gap, because I don’t think that’s what is inherently causing the relationship problems. Sure, it could definitely be a factor, but I do think it is possible to have healthy, age-gap relationships. As time went by, however, I began to think differently about Julia and Eileen’s dynamic. The first time I actually openly voiced a concern to one of my friends was about four months ago, when Eileen posted a public apology video to Julia (they were engaged by this time). I couldn’t exactly put my finger on what bothered me about the video, but I knew something didn’t feel right immediately. For one thing, it feels very odd to apologize to your fianceé in the form of a public video, which was also monetized (meaning Eileen and Julia profited off of the video). To each their own, I suppose, but it felt very strange to me that Julia and Eileen didn’t do this in private. In retrospect, it almost feels like Eileen and Julia are trying to desperately justify their relationship in this video, and purposefully reinforce that everything is FINE, just fine, and why would you dare think otherwise? It’s fine everybody!!
Eileen’s apology was centered around a previously-released video about an affair she had twenty-five years ago with another woman. Apparently, Julia edited the video and became upset/jealous listening to Eileen talk freely about this past relationship. Eileen gave us all the details about this ordeal- Julia crying, asking Eileen if she still loved her, Eileen gushily professing her love for Julia on camera, etc. It all felt a little…contrived. For views, maybe. Or, like I said, for public reinforcement that this relationship is so, so healthy and good! See, everybody? We handled this so well!
Wellllll, maybe you didn’t. First of all, let me just say I understand how Julia would be a little uncomfortable editing the video. I get it. But to get that upset over an affair that happened before Julia was even born, it seemed a little sad to me. At the very least, Julia probably should have just said “No thanks, Eileen, I don’t want to edit this”, rather than letting the drama escalate that far. It all just felt, and continues to feel, a little melodramatic. And then, for Eileen to document the argument in a monetized video with a staged thumbnail, just kind of felt strange and insincere. Couples fight, that’s normal, but I personally think it’s better to keep these issues private and off the internet. And that’s not just because you’re opening yourself up to the public- it doesn’t matter what the subscribers think. It’s not about the fans. It’s a reflection of YOU, the content creator, for putting out such private, insecure material and essentially asking for positive reinforcement in return.
Another thing I’ve noticed, and I’ll put this bluntly- Eileen appears to be changing herself, physically and personality-wise, to better suite Julia. At the introduction of Eileen’s emergence into YouTube (she started her own channel shortly after moving in with Julia), we all came to love Eileen as the wise, articulate, dark-haired classic beauty we met in the beginning. It is actually fascinating to me how differently Eileen acts when she is making videos by herself, versus when she is filming with Julia. Eileen is a beautiful speaker and captivating storyteller- something you notice right away in her videos. Her character, authentic or not (we’ll get to that too), is well-established: a soft-spoken, wise women in touch with political science and psychology. And then, when she appears with Julia, it’s almost like she becomes another person. I do feel really bad saying this, but in a lot of ways, it feels like Eileen is dumbing herself down to be on Julia’s bubbly, gushy, sexualized persona. Not that there’s anything wrong with being bubbly and sexy, but it does feel very apparent that Eileen is just putting on an act. In the ten months or so Eileen has been dating Julia, her Kensington flat, style, career, and even hair has been completely painted (literally and figuratively) by Julia’s influence. I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel inspired by your partner, but for Eileen, it comes across as “I really need to keep Julia, and I would do anything for her, so I’m going to change myself to better suit her internet personality.”
We have to remember that while much of their life is online, we still only get a small smidgen of what their life together is really like. All of our theories about the overall weirdness of their relationship are exactly that- theories and speculation. Maybe I’m wrong and Eileen genuinely does want a baby pink flat, new clothes, and new hair.
But, you know, maybe not.
What I’m really trying to hammer home here is that I don’t think this is completely Julia’s wrongdoing, or completely Eileen’s. I don’t think they are bad people at all, but I do think they are feeding off of each other in a way that can be genuinely unhealthy and toxic, if not downright manipulative. And I say this because I want them to be happy and healthy, but I just don’t think they are. And it’s bothering me.
Like I said though, I don’t know them personally and I’m not their marriage counselor. These are just my two cents. Moving on.
Julia and Eileen have a very evident, on-screen tendency to coddle each other relentlessly when the other person says something unexpected or hard to hear, even if it’s, you know, TRUE (like the fact that Eileen will likely be deceased of old age in two decades- Julia literally cannot stand to hear that because she is so attached to Eileen).. It’s hard to describe what I’m talking about unless you’ve seen their videos, but the nature of appearing as gushy and babied essentially walking on eggshells around each other really does hammer home the fact that this entire aura could be a facade. Not to say they aren’t in love- I think they definitely are mad for each other- but this weird over-romanticized, over-sexualized, perfect, incredible love they are painting on each other does feel very artificial and somewhat childish. In a way, it almost feels like they’ve run out of things to say to each other, so they’re using this “Oh, baby, I love you so much” coddling as conversation filler. I’m a touchy person myself, but watching Julia and Eileen can make me cringe sometimes because it feels like…bad acting. I think Julia and Eileen genuinely see themselves as this incredible love story that’s on such a deeper level than everyone else, when really, I would argue that their love is perhaps less special than they think it is, and more or less just a giant, fluffy picture they are trying to paint for themselves and for the viewers. Like, “Hey, maybe if we really over-do how fantastic and special or love is, people will really see how much we care about each other!”
Why do you have to do that, though? Why can’t you just let your behaviour and apparent love for one another be organic? Normal, healthy couples, in my opinion, usually don’t need to constantly remind each other in a baby-voice how devoted and enthralled to the other person they are.
I’ve rambled on long enough about the prior red flags, so let’s get into the new drama Julia and Eileen have found themselves in.
Up until that point, I wasn’t really too concerned in analyzing the red flags. They seemed happy, obviously. I cried during their wedding video, because it was genuinely sweet. I’ve even written a couple articles about Julia here on my blog, praising her bravery, uniqueness, and entertainment qualities. I traveled to New York City to meet her, and I had a nice time. Julia is a good person.
I did not, however, have an opportunity to meet Eileen, and that has to do with the tEeEaaA.
(I’m sorry, *family emergency*.)
I’m not going to give you the complete rundown, because there are videos out there for that, but here’s the general gist: fourteen years ago, Eileen was two weeks late returning a rental car while she was addicted to prescription drugs, did not pay back her late fees, and immediately afterwards, got on a plane and moved to London. Then, a few weeks ago, Eileen was arrested at the airport where she and Julia landed in New York for the meet and greets (a warrant for her arrest had been out after she was late returning the car and didn’t pay for it). There have been rumors floating around that some other shady things happened in-between those fourteen years, such as Eileen having different aliases and possibly committing fraud, but nothing has been confirmed or proven yet. As of right now, all we know is that Eileen was arrested at the airport and taken to jail after her warrant popped up on her passport, and Julia (understandably) had a complete meltdown.
This is a horrible situation for Julia, but in her video explanation, it felt to me like she was playing it down and trying to protect Eileen from negative scrutiny. But it doesn’t matter who you are- if you are guilty of a crime, then it’s fair to assume that you will face ugly consequences.
Eileen’s videos have always been formed on the basis of her past- reflecting on her past, reflecting on loss, coming out in the 80s, etc. Recently, she spoke in her videos about her experiences being addicted to drugs while she lived in New York City and Los Angeles, and though she hasn’t explicitly mentioned her criminal record, it’s easy for viewers to piece together how they are intertwined. Eileen mentions that being on drugs stunted her ability to make good choices, and Julia insists as well that Eileen was “not in a good place” while her criminal record was stacking up fourteen years ago.
That part is not untrue. Of course mental illness and drug addiction can cause people to make huge mistakes, no matter how harmless and good-intentioned a person is. It’s pretty obvious from watching Eileen’s videos that she’s not violent or evil. Did she fuck up a little in the past? Yeah. Maybe actually a lot? That’s also possible. There’s way more to the story than we know.
My takeaway from the video, however, and what I expect to see from Eileen’s upcoming explanation, is that mental health will be used as a crutch as to why Eileen should be excused from these crimes. Obviously, returning a late rental car isn’t the worst thing you can do, but it’s still a form of theft by deception. Even worse, she chose not to address the warrant for FOURTEEN FREAKING YEARS, hence why she was arrested immediately upon landing in New York. It’s probably true that the police were a little aggressive in handling Eileen, and I do think it’s wrong that she was denied her medications, but I more or less understand everything else. You commit a crime, you get reprimanded. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t in a good mental place or not. It makes it even worse that you put off the charges for so long.
Also, isn’t Eileen’s whole shebang politics? How did she NOT see this coming? Those records just don’t get erased.
So, this is where things get a little chaotic. Julia mentions in her video that Eileen is now registered as a “flight risk”, which I believe is because she was arrested getting off an airplane. (By the way, if you’re wondering how Eileen got out of the country in the first place, she has dual citizenship and thus two passports. At least, I think that’s probably how it happened).
The problem is this: Julia and Eileen live in London. I’m sure Julia will be able to return home just fine, but what about Eileen? I can almost guarantee you that they won’t be letting her back on a plane until this mess gets sorted out. What happens next?
Today is Saturday, and Julia is posting part II of her “jail vlog” on Monday. Until we have information, there isn’t much more I can factually analyze, but I do have some opinions.
I have mentioned before that Julia and Eileen seemingly enjoy dramatizing their lives to earn more views and likes on their videos. This isn’t something completely unheard of- the only YouTuber I can think of who doesn’t essentially pimp out their videos is our lord and saviour, miss Jenna Marbles.
So what I’m trying to say is, I’m not really surprised they enjoy over-emotionalizing their content to get more traffic on YouTube. That’s how they earn an income, and if other people want to tune into the narrative, then that’s fine too. But the way they are handling the current legal situation is too weird and melodramatic for even me: dividing the “jail vlog” up into two parts like it’s a Lifetime special, a cringey, obviously staged thumbnail (featuring Eileen’s mugshot, how fun and trendy!), and then, Eileen’s response to the video. “Sensual whispers.”
AUGHH. I’m sorry, guys. It’s so FREAKING weird and contrived and obviously designed to generate an artificial emotional response. Normal! couples! don’t do this! to! each other!
NORMAL *clap* COUPLES *clap* DON’T *clap* DO *clap* THIS *clap*.
Like I said, I certainly don’t have a problem with two women in love. I don’t take issue to the age gap. This isn’t me jumping on my computer to write up a hate speech about two women who actually seem very lovely, respectively (moreso Julia, increasingly less so Eileen). This is about the strange, coddling, unhealthy dynamic they have developed for each other. This is about Julia, willingly or not, molding Eileen to be exactly the way she wants- peppy, perky, raunchy, and really pink. This is about Eileen bending over backwards to keep Julia, professing her passionate love in pre-scripted soliloquies, ways of speech that literally nobody speaks in, just to garner “ooohs” and “aaahs” from their audience. This is about Eileen hiding her criminal past from Julia until the very last minute, and then dumping the load onto her like she’s a pile of garbage.
Here’s what I genuinely HOPE will happen. I hope Julia and Eileen will come to the realization that the dynamic of their relationship has some seemingly unhealthy tendencies, and they will work together as a team to grow their love in a more authentic, behind the camera manner (preferably, they come to this realization on their own, because I really don’t like to see them get hate). Or, they realize they’re just not suited for each other the way they thought they were in the honeymoon phase. I don’t want them to go through a messy divorce, tangled in the realization that they don’t really know each other- just the happy image they have created for themselves on the internet. You have to keep in mind, they haven’t even been officially together for a full year. There’s a lot you don’t know about a person when you’re just meeting them, and sadly, it sounds like Julia is just now taking the time to learn these important aspects of Eileen’s personality- the ones she probably tried to ignore for a long time while she was lost in la-la-rainbow sparkles land with Eileen on their incredible, amazing, one-of-a-kind star-crossed lovers journey. It’s obviously much easier for them to ignore the red flags and go on pretending everything is fine, because they’re so focused on not having ANY confrontation in their marriage. A failed marriage to Julia means she’s let everyone down- including her fans who followed them so adoringly.
While browsing PULL, I came across this post that more or less sums up most of my feelings on the matter. To protect the privacy of the poster, because I’m not sure if she wants her username out there, I’ll leave the quote anonymous:
“I’m conflicted about this stuff with Eileen. On the one hand she genuinely could just have mental health issues, had an addiction and a hard life due to not having family support and being alone in the world. I can see how the car thing could have easily could have happened in the throes of an addiction and I certainly don’t think she should have been arrested for it…however, I feel like there’s just something “off” about her. Like, why the name changes? Why is she married to a 24 year old? I’m immediately suspicious of of any 60 year old that would go out with someone that young. If she was a man we’d all think she was a predator- and maybe she is. I also find her false way of speaking creepy af and kinda psychopathic (sensual whispers??). It’s just not real- this woman is clearly faking. The way she’s always on her phone, never seems to be fully present with Julia, how she’s always drunk and has that alcohol collection. Plus, I notice in videos it seems like she’s just putting on a fake persona whenever Julia can get her away from her phone. Like she’s all somber scrolling through the Internet and then Julia’s like “hi baby!!!!” And Eileen snaps into action. The whole thing is hella weird. I feel sorry for Julia, I think she’s very young and naive, she obviously has some issues and wants attention. Eileen on the other hand is an old woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.”
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up nicely.
Realistically though, I’m not sure if Julia and Eileen are willing to examine their relationship in all of its raw, damaged reality. I don’t want to sound like a debbie downer, but honestly, at the rate this is going, I’d be surprised if this holds out another 3-5 years, and even that’s generous. Especially now that Eileen may be stuck in the US, I can only imagine the amount of problems this is going to cause. If anything, I think Julia deserves better than this if Eileen can’t properly sort out her own legal matters. Like, come on. She did have fourteen years to take care of this. You can fire off all the excuses you want, but at the end of the day, it’s irresponsible and unfair to Julia. Because trust me, nothing about this has been cheap for Julia.
My first thought after this: Julia obviously doesn’t think she (or EILEEN) has done anything wrong. Oof.
I highly recommend you watch the video yourself if you want the full scoop. I will be going over part two in a general overview, but this will mostly be my own thoughts and opinions.
Part two leaves off with Julia hiring a lawyer (for which she takes out a loan of $7,000) and then borrowing an additional $2,500 from a friend in London to pay for Eileen’s bail. Otherwise, according to Julia, Eileen would have stayed in jail for another few weeks. In the midst of all this, we find out Eileen had ANOTHER warrant out for her arrest from 2001, resulting from a bounced check for a car payment.
So let’s break that down together. Julia, who has subjectively done nothing wrong, had to take out almost $10K in loans for her wife’s mistakes, who is 37 years her senior and should have known better in the first place. All because she couldn’t handle Eileen being in jail for another few weEkS, you know, paying fairly for her crimes. If Julia had just waited for Eileen to sort this out herself and let Eileen do her time, she could have saved a whole lot of money. But instead, Julia spent a ridiculous amount of time and money taking care of her sixty-one year-old wife’s botched criminal record.
In case you couldn’t tell, I’m unhappy that Julia felt the need to do that. Now she’s taking a problem that wasn’t even hers to begin with and placing all this financial baggage on her shoulders, when Eileen should be the one literally paying for her deeds. It just really broke my heart that Julia’s immediate reaction was to dig herself into debt for Eileen, and then say she’s going to have to get “a lot of sponsorships” to make up the money. Because truthfully, Eileen is nothing short of an angel in Julia’s eyes who can do no wrong, and all of this is just a huge misunderstanding, and everything will be back to rainbows and hearts soon. The debt of $10,000 and being stuck in another country is just a small damper on things, nothing important, of course.
But Julia, you shouldn’t have to do that. Eileen should be the one repaying the 10 grand, not you. It’s as simple as that. Even if they have joint bank accounts (which I doubt), it should still be Eileen’s responsibility to make up the money.
Julia reveals at this point that she and Eileen are completely broke. They just got married, had a lavish honeymoon, traveled to the US, and now, Julia has completely drained her savings bailing Eileen out of jail. They couldn’t even afford their hotel for the last two days in New York, and had to stay with a friend.
Of course, Julia and Eileen will still continue to project this fabricated, celebrity image that they’re famous and living the easy life, going out to bars and restaurants every night, and vlogging it for their fans.
In the footage of Eileen and Julia reuniting outside the jail (yes, they got someone to film it), Eileen said some things to Julia that seemed totally inappropriate in the moment to me. One of the first things she said was that she missed Julia’s body, and that she was afraid she’d have to sleep with another prisoner in return for a cup of coffee. Just, you know, the usual things you say to your wife who just spent $9,500 bailing you out of the clink.
By the way, Eileen’s 2001 charged was dropped, but the nightmare is still not over, despite Julia’s overwhelming aura of “It’s fine, everything is fine!”
Julia says in her video that she and Eileen have to stay in America until at least the end of the month so Eileen can attend a court hearing in New Jersey. However, if you look at Eileen’s public legal records, you can clearly see that she has another court date scheduled in February of 2020- six months from now. Considering they can’t even afford a hotel at the moment, I can only imagine the havoc this will ensue for their relationship. Also, I probably don’t need to reinforce this, but this is pretty much entirely Eileen’s fault.
Conclusion: Julia wants to be rich, famous, and settled down in a nice city living a lavish life with her wife, who she knows will do anything for her. Eileen is a shady thrill-seeker with a criminal record and a *possible* history of fraud under an alias, hence how they are able to afford these very nice things. Together, they are far too attached to each other and struggling to communicate on the level to adults should be able to. I feel bad for both of them, but mostly Julia because she is sweet and naive and probably going out of her mind at the moment, even if she keeps telling herself that everything is fine. Eventually, I won’t be surprised if she cracks from the stress and deceit of discovering Eileen’s shady past. And of course, she’ll document it in a five-part monetized divorce blog series, because hey, she has to pay off that $10K somehow. There’s also speculation she sold the story to Barcroft for some extra money, so we’ll have to wait and see about that.
As of today, Tuesday, Eileen has not really publicly spoken about the situation or addressed it in a video (which is very weird, considering this is her mess). This article will be out on Wednesday the 28th, so if Eileen does post a response before then, I’ll edit something in my thoughts (if I have something new to say, that is. I have a feeling her video will be mostly excuses and I’ve already commented on that quite a bit). If not, this is where my giant monologue ends, unless a part two must ensue.
Please let me know your thoughts and feelings in the comments (unless you just want to shit all over Julia, then keep your hate to yourself), and if you liked this article, let me know by sharing it! I’m sorry it’s such a clusterfuck and probably took ten years to read, and in the 1% chance Julia is reading this- hey Julia, I’m sorry, I really like you a lot and wish the best for you. But your fans are concerned- not because we have anything against you, but because we genuinely do care about your happiness.
All of the pictures I’ve used in this article are screenshots I’ve taken of actual court documents and video thumbnails. Below, I’ve included the links to these documents if you want to read them in full yourself. Also, the first picture is from her Instagram.
Consent, whether it be romantic or not, is equally interchangeable between sexes. As a society, however, we do definitely put more emphasis whether or not a man will behave decently or not to a women. And trust me, I totally get that. I’m a feminist. I’m a lady, (a pretty lady, at that), and I constantly have to deal with men trying to invade my personal space and manipulating me into a being a “bitch” when I don’t reciprocate their sexual advances. I’m sure I speak for many women when I say that’s a serious issue, and it deserves the attention is receiving.
So, I’m not saying I think consent for women need less attention: I just think consent for men needs more. I think there needs to be equal attention brought to both matters, because both sexes are responsible when it comes to consent and healthy relationships. One of the reasons I think men have a harder time opening up about being victims of sexual assault is the unfair stereotype dynamic we have created in our society. We are often taught, purposefully or not, that all men are the monsters, a sex to be feared, and almost always the perpetrators of aggressive sexual advances or assault. While yes, many causes of sexual assault are towards women (91%, actually), that doesn’t mean the 9% of men are less significant (also, that doesn’t include all the men who haven’t come out about it yet). Sexual assault towards men is almost never talked about, which is alarming, considering I took part in extensive training for preventing sexual assault while I was in high school. Because we are conditioned to believe that men are not the victims, we also build up a sense of guilt and weakness in men when they are assaulted. For many men, they may feel invalidated, not believed, or simply, that their case is not as severe as it would be if the gender roles were reversed. Even worse, the man might not think it’s a big deal at all if he has been assaulted (or he will brush it off, like it’s a minor annoyance rather than an invasion of his body). I think that we (for the most part) are trained as women to believe that if a man isn’t saying anything when you’re making moves on him, he must be enjoying it then, right? Because all men are sex-crazed animals, right? Well, no. If a man doesn’t seem to be reciprocating, he might be uncomfortable, and most likely afraid to speak up. But these are the stories we don’t hear about, because men are trained: YOU are the alpha, YOU can’t show weakness, YOU can’t be defeated.
I have a personal example of this. I had a relative, actually, tell me that he got totally smashed drunk at a party and woke up on a bed with a girl raping him. That girl gave him a sexually transmitted disease, which he now has to live with for the rest of his life. And some-fucking-how, he brushed it off with a nervous smile like it was no big deal.
I have another male friend who 1) has graciously brought the idea for this article to my attention, and 2) has some personal experiences he would like to share. I’m going to be keeping this anonymous to protect his privacy, but I admire his strength and eloquence in coming out to discuss his experiences with the imbalance in consent between the sexes.
“I’ve been quiet about this issue. Mostly because when I tried to get involved in the conversation, my opinion was taken as a threat and rejected because of my gender. As a man, I’ve watched some pretty resentful public displays of humiliation towards men on this topic. And my personal experiences with feminists has been wildly misandristic – which I find to be ironic because I thought feminism was about equality, not punishing men for being the opposite gender. I know that’s what the ideology suggests, but there are a lot misandrists hiding behind the veil of feminism as their shield and sword”.
Ladies and gents, this is what I want to say. If you are a woman, and you’re thinking about kissing a man you’ve been out on a couple dates with, at least say, “Can I kiss you?” before you actually project yourself onto him. You’d expect that from him, wouldn’t you? So let’s embrace the equality of consent and make sure that everybody feels safe and respected in their own bodies. You can’t know what somebody else is thinking unless you ask them, and even then, it’s so important to read body language and make sure your partner is comfortable!!
I can completely understand my friend’s frustration with some feminists. It’s a bad analogy, I know, but it reminds me of crazy vegans who ruin the entire image for everyone else. As a feminist myself, I wish to promote complete equality for both ladies and gals, not just for myself. The extreme “man haters” give the rest of us a really bad image; trust me, I’m aware.
He continues: “I’m more used to being approached by women, and I seldom ever make the first move. Generally, I am just very shy. Here are some of my personal experiences as a man, and my observations on the topic.
Me being less assertive, most of the women I’ve slept with have been the result of their assertiveness, and did not ask me for consent when they initiated the first kiss, or the progression for sex. There were exactly two that did [ask for consent], although I will say I personally prefer not to be asked and I understand some people want a more natural and organic feeling when getting intimate. Everybody has tastes and preferences and those should not be minimized.”
I wanna say this, too: I know you don’t have to hear a verbal resounding “YES!” every time you want to have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you’re comfortable with each other and you understand each other’s body language and preferences, and you’ve been having a prolonged sexual relationship for a while, no you don’t have to confirm “hey, are we going to have sex?” every time right before a roll in the hay. When you’re hooking up with someone the first, second, or heck, even the third time, just do yourself a favor and ask for verbal consent. Once you’ve been together for a while, sexually or romantically, it becomes easier to understand each other’s cues and body languages, and then, you obviously won’t need verbal consent every single time. Anywho, back to his quote:
“The few times I built up the courage to take the initiative and ask, I was ridiculed for asking, or rejected -BECAUSE- I asked. I’m paraphrasing because it was so long ago, but it was met with something like, “You were doing fine until you had to ask.” Or, “What makes you think I’d be interested in you?” in a condescending tone.
The expectation that men need to initiate consent is unequal, and quite frankly reinforces gender stereotypes. If we are to make progress, there can be no double standards; women should be held to an equal standard. Furthermore, ridiculing a man for asking for consent just because you’re not attracted to him is acidic to the entire movement.
My experience with this make the current depiction of consent look (to me) like: ‘Guys who I’m not interested in or attracted to must ask for consent, but the guys I’m interested in or attracted to should just know without having to ask.’”
See? This is what we’re talking about when we say the double standard. Can you imagine if a man said he didn’t need to ask the woman for consent, because “she should just know” and he “doesn’t need to ask”? That scenario would be completely fucked up. And guess what? News flash, when you reverse the gender roles, it’s still fucked up!
“I understand why people become misogynistic or misandristic, and I think it’s because they were hurt really bad by the other gender, but the answer isn’t resentment-fueled revenge. The cycle of hate and pain is ended with forgiveness, understanding, and inspiring change in those that hurt us. It’s how I overcame my twelve years of abuse from my stepfather, and it was a process, but I feel better now than I ever would have by holding onto my hatred and ‘getting even’.”
If man and woman are equal, we need to hold each other equally accountable for our behaviors. I’m certainly not coming on here to start a war, but I do think we need to think more seriously about the toxic messages we may be unknowingly putting out. No matter who you are: man, woman, or somewhere in-between, you deserve to be treated respectfully, just as much as you deserve to treat others with that same respect. Love is a beautiful thing, but it’s give and take. You know what else is awesome? Sex is pretty awesome. But we both need to try a little bit harder to think with our heads and not so much or genitals, because sex can be a tricky (and hurtful) thing to navigate without a clear level of consent between the two parties.